Monday Morning Brain Fart - 9/14

I was all psyched to get the free preview of NFL Sunday Ticket on Sunday from DirecTV, but now I can't watch it... BECAUSE I'M GOIN' TO THE GIANTS GAME!!!! Those of you who know me know how much of a psycho Giants fan I am, and you can imagine how ridiculously excited I am for this. Now you people who were going to come over to my apartment and watch the game with me can breathe a sigh of relief since I won't be around to throw a beer bottle at your face when the Giants turn the ball over.

After wolfing down way too much Taco Bell (though can you ever really eat too much Taco Bell?), the woman and I watched Eagle Eye, because it was the only movie that was starting on any of our movie channels when we were flipping through the channel menu. And I must say, for a movie that was so poorly reviewed, I thought it was pretty sweet. The story was fairly ridiculous and hard to believe, but it was really intense and fun to watch. I highly suggest it as something to watch on a rainy day if you're looking for some mindless action.

I finally had the chance to watch the finale of Hard Knocks, the greatest show on television right now. If you aren't familiar with the show, basically it's a documentary-style series that HBO does every year during NFL training camp. They pick one team, this year being the Cincinnati Bengals, and follow them throughout camp. You learn about the inner-workings of the franchise, you get entertained by some of the more flamboyant characters on the team, most notably Esteban Ocho Cinco, and you get to learn about some of the more obscure players that you wouldn't normally notice. Even if you couldn't care less about football, it's really interesting just for the character studies, because you get to dive into the psyche of players who are playing football because they love the game and are giving their all just so they can barely make the team and live to play another day. It's riveting stuff.

The woman and I finally caught up on Hung by watching the 3 episodes we were behind. It's not the greatest show, but every week it does just enough to keep me coming back for more. I like Thomas Jane, and I think the lead female character who plays his pimp is really well acted, but there's something missing, and I can't quite put my finger on what exactly it is. I like it enough though, and I know that the season finale Sunday night will somehow involve Jane's character being sent to "service" his ex-wife. It's inevitable.

Congratulations to Derek Jeter. The Captain of the Yankees broke Lou Gehrig's all-time hits record for a Yankee tonight, and if there was anyone to ever break the Iron Horse's record, Jeter is the man to do it. He personifies everything it means to be a Yankee, playing the game the way it's meant to be played day in and day out. If every player played the game with the same kind of effort, drive and determination that Jeter plays with every night, the game would be that much better for it. Not to mention that he is King Bachelor of the Earth. Have you seen his hit-list?! SHIT YO.

I saw tonight on ESPN's Bottom Line that the charges against Shawne Merriman were dropped. Allegedly he choked out and beat Tile Tequila last week at his home when she was shitfaced and trying to drive home. She kept trying to tell everyone that she doesn't drink and that he was lying, but apparently he was telling the truth because there was insufficient evidence and the case was dropped. I mentioned this to Megan, and she said, "yeah, cuz she's a drunken whore." Well said sweetie.

The Madden curse is real. You have all heard the story, where the NFL player who is on the cover of the yearly Madden NFL video game either gets hurt, has a crappy season, or his team plays poorly and misses the playoffs. Well this year, the cover is shared by Steelers safety Troy Polamalu and Cardinals wide receiver Larry Fitzgerald, and low and behold, the curse has already struck! In fact, it literally took 1 QUARTER for the curse to happen. Polamalu apparently has a strained MCL in his knee and his out 3-6 weeks. You better watch out Larry, THE CURSE IS COMIN' TO GIT YA!

I helped Rory's sister move into the city today, and I must say, I love moving. But not when it's me who's actually moving. It's awesome because you get a good workout, you get to bond over lifting insanely heavy couches and things, you inevitably get free food and beer, and you get to tap into your inner-interior designer once all the crap is in the apartment/home. Plus, you don't have to deal with all the bullshit that's involved in moving that you have to do when you're the one who's doing the moving. It's excellent.

If you've never watched Tool Academy, do yourself a favor and watch it - right now in fact. It's currently in it's second season on VH1, and it is better than ever. The basic premise of the show is that girlfriends who are sick of their cheating, asshole boyfriends trick them into entering the Tool Academy, where the instructor and the counselor attempt to reform them so that they can have a good and meaningful relationship with their girlfriends. But the best part is that they get the biggest douches you will ever meet for this show, guys who cheat constantly, take longer to get ready to go clubbin' than most girls, and think they are God's gift to this earth. Basically they took your typical Hoboken d-bag, put him on douche steroids, and put him on the show. It's incredible to see how big of a train wreck their lives become when their lies and secrets are revealed to their girlfriends. It's incredible television, and you need it in your life. I swear.

The Notre Dame - Michigan college football game was a lot of fun to watch, though I don't agree one iota with the claim the announcers kept making about this being a "program-changing" win for Michigan. Yes, they lost a lot last year. But this is a win over Notre Dame we're talking about here. Not Florida or Oklahoma. ND has been shit recently, so it'll take a little more for Michigan to get back to where they're used to being at. As for the game itself, the Michigan receiver who dropped the pass in the end zone would have been shot on campus if they hadn't scored on the next play to win the game. What a bad drop. Moving on the USC - Ohio St. game: what a boring and awful game. What was billed as the marquee matchup of the week, and maybe the whole season, turned out to be about as exciting as two crappy Division 3 schools going at it, only with 106,000 people watching. Ohio St. dominated USC for long stretches of the game, but they could never put them away because Terrelle Pryor is so awful. He is just a terrible quarterback, who time and time again made such bad decisions and even worse throws. He's like a shitty version of Vince Young, or rather, the NFL version of Vince Young. Just terrible, and it was only a matter of time before USC came back and won, which they did.

On SportsCenter tonight, they showed the highlights from Serena Williams' semifinal match at the US Open. On match point, the line judge called a line violation of some sort on Serena, and she proceeded to go APE SHIT. ESPN showed her yelling at the judge, while bleeping out her cursing, but it was pretty easy to see what she was saying. An excerpt: "I'm gonna take this fucking ball and shove it down your fucking throat!" The judge got scared, told the head official, and Serena was given a point penalty, which lost her the match since it was match point for Kim Clijsters. I can't blame the judge for being intimidated by Serena. She is a monster, and I would be scared shitless by her. She could kick the crap out of me with one hand tied behind her back.

I can't even sleep past 9:00 AM today because I am SO EXCITED FOR THE NFL SEASON, IN PARTICULAR THE GIANTS GAME THAT I AM GOING TO YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! Speaking of which, here is my review of the G-Men's opening week 23-17 victory over the Washington Redskins:

For an opening game, it wasn't a terrible effort and a win is certainly a win, especially when it's in the division like today's game was. We never really could get too much going on the ground, and it was particularly frustrating that we couldn't convert 3rd and 1's too well. We have a 260-pound running back. There's no excuse. The passing game was somewhat effective, with Eli hitting a lot of short, quick routes. Steve Smith was good over the middle, and Mario Manningham made some nice plays, especially his 30-yard touchdown reception where he broke 3 tackles. 

As for the defense, the pass rush was decent, though it only came from the edges. The push from the middle was nonexistent. Osi Umenyiora made the play of the day when he stripped the ball from Jason Campbell, recovered the fumble, and ran it back for a touchdown. He is a freak, and it will be a pleasure watching him kill quarterbacks again this year after he was out all of last year. Our run defense was fine except for the first offensive play of the game for the 'Skins, and the pass defense was good, especially on Corey Webster's interception. Lawrence Tynes even hit all of his field goals and extra points. Hooray for miracles!

So there were some positives to take from this game, but there also were some negatives, particularly with injuries, which always seem to be a problem for the Giants. Danny Ware dislocated his elbow on the opening kick return of the game, which is bad, and Hakeem Nicks apparently sprained his foot, which he doesn't think is a big deal, but I have a bad feeling it will be. Justin Tuck also looked tired and beat, which isn't a good sign seeing as it was the first game of the year. But as I said, a win's a win, and we'll certainly take it going into Dallas next week. Hopefully we can help Jerry open his brandy-new stadium in style by kicking the Cowgirls' asses!

I have one word for Jay Cutler: OVERRATED.

Ugh. Another week of work.