Why New Jersey is Awesome: Reason 5

Air Conditioning

Yes, I know, it's all over the place. Your work is air conditioned. Your school is air conditioned. Your home is air conditioned. Most likely wherever you're standing or sitting right now is air conditioned, unless you're in a third world country of course. But guess what? If it weren't for the great state of New Jersey, you would be sweating your cojones off right now, because air conditioning was invented by a great man who was born and bred in this amazing state. It's yet another reason why you should be bowing at the feet of the absolute greatest state in the union.

Willis Haviland Carrier of Essex Fells, NJ invented the first air conditioning unit in 1902 when he installed a spray system that cooled air temperatures in a friend's printing press building. In 1915, Carrier started the Carrier Engineering Company in Newark, NJ. It was there that he developed the centrifugal refrigeration machine, which was the first of its kind that was designed to cool large areas. Carrier was a true pioneer, and it comes as no surprise that he is from New Jersey, the state synonymous with innovation, and of course, awesomeness.

Think about it for a second. No other invention has been more important in aiding you in your pursuit of comfort during the hot summer months in the history of this planet. So let's examine your other options, and find out where they fall short:

Windows

Windows were a great idea in theory. Is it too hot or stuffy in the room you're in right now? Open your window and let some air in. But wait, there's nothing but hot air outside. How is this going to help? If there's no breeze outside, there's no comfort inside. Do yourself a favor and turn on that New Jersey-invented AC.

Refrigerators

Refrigerators are for food and beverage, fool. Please step out of the fridge and replace the shelves you removed so you could fit in. And go turn on your AC.

Ceiling Fans

Ceiling fans were another good idea, again, in theory. When the room or area you're in is getting way too hot, just turn on the ceiling fan and let it move around the air, therefore creating a certain level of coolness. But what if the air the fan is moving around is already way too hot? It's only going to remain hot the the room, just now the hot air is flowing around you as opposed to sitting on you. Why don't you go turn that AC on and really chill out?

Traditional Fans

Same principal as the ceiling fan. Same result as the ceiling fan. Get that AC on, and then your fan can move some actual cool air around your room.

Water-Spritzing Bottles

I am of course talking about those little plastic bottles that have the Windex tip-like top that you can squirt cold water out of onto yourself. They either come with a small fan that effectively turns the spray into a nice mist, or they come traditionally without the fan. Now, if the water is cold, then yes, it will cool you off. But then what? Now your face and clothing are soaking wet. Oh what is that? You don't have a towel or napkin to dry yourself off with? That's just too bad. The AC is over there, go turn it on. Then go dry your face.

Large, Sturdy Paper, Like a Brochure or Something

The brochure, pamphlet or folder-like object I am referring to of course does not cool you on its own. No, it takes actual effort on your part to do its job. What you have to do is pick up the brochure, then wave it back and forth near your face over and over again until you feel the breeze. However, it only cools your face, not the rest of your body, plus it makes your arm really tired. Research by leading Harvard scientists has shown that a tired arm leads to many different kinds of discomfort, not least of which is sweating, which is the very condition you were trying to prevent in the first place. So put down that brochure, and use your arm to reach over to the AC and turn it on.

Getting Naked

Sure, taking off all of your clothes makes you cooler because clearly, the amount of layers you're wearing is directly involved with your coolness quotient. The big problem here is that you ultimately run out of clothes to take off. So if you run out of clothing to remove, and you're still hot, you're screwed, because unless you know something I don't, you cannot remove your skin. Here's a tip then: put your clothes back on and blast the AC.

In conclusion, it is beyond a shadow of a doubt that air conditioning is the most important, and culturally significant, invention this world has ever seen when it comes to being comfortable during the summer. As you read above, there is nothing else you can do or any other object you can use that will cool you down  like good ol' AC. And you of course have a man that hails from the most amazing state in these United States, New Jersey, to thank for it. Willis Carrier, you are a great man, and every day man thanks you for your gift to this world. We salute you.