Offseason New York Rangers Rant

Remember this?



And how about this?



Just watching these ratty YouTube clips gives me chills and brings me back to two of the greatest moments of my childhood. And, if you're a die-hard New York Rangers fan like myself, I hope these memories are burned deep within your cerebral cortex, because with Glen Sather running this franchise, we may very well have to wait another 54 years for our next Stanley Cup (though if it's 54 years from our last cup in 1994, we actually only have 39 years left... whoopee).

Now please bare with me because I'm a little drunk, but HOW THE HELL DOES GLEN SATHER STILL HAVE A JOB??!!?? He has been in the position since 2000, and since 2000 the Rangers have been nothing but a failure. Granted, they've been decent since the lockout ended, but even then they've only made it to the second round of the playoffs. This accomplishment is diminished somewhat by the fact that teams that are just OK make the playoffs in the NHL. His tenure has been plagued by the overpayment of big-name failures like Eric Lindros, Pavel Bure, Bobby Holik, Darius Kasparaitis and, most recently, Wade Redden, as well as hiring miserable coaches like Bryan Trottier. Only when your boss is Jim Dolan, arguably the worst owner in sports, can you keep your job after being this awful at it. I feel like Glen Sather could show up for work and sexually assault a female that works under him and still keep his job. Oh wait, that already happened at the Garden under Dolan's watch.

Now with all of this being said, I'm still hopeful that this coming year will bring the Cup back to New York and erase the painful memories of Sather's Era of Error. So let's take a look at the roster from last year that couldn't score a goal if their lives depended on it and see where we need to make changes. Free agency has of course already started and moves have been made, but these were my thoughts from back after the Rangers were eliminated from the playoffs in April:

Forwards: Scott Gomez, Chris Drury, Markus Naslund, Nikolai Zherdev, Nik Antropov, Brandon Dubinsky, Ryan Callahan, Aaron Voros, Lauri Korpikoski, Freddie Sjostrom, Blair Betts, Sean Avery, Colton Orr

April 2009 Steve says: I think Gomez should stay, but he needs Sather to get him a playmaker for his wing that doesn't suck like Nik Zherdev. Zherdev and Antropov are in the same boat, and that boat is all about not trying too hard on the ice and therefore disappearing at important moments in important games. Goodbye both of you. Drury is the captain, and I still think he has a lot to offer this team, so I hope he stays. Naslund retired, and in a classy fashion as he did it before we owed him a multi-million dollar bonus payment. Thanks Markus. Callahan and Dubinsky are the young core of this team, and along with Avery, are pretty much this team's entire heart. I love all three of them. Sjostrom and Betts are the best penalty killers in the NHL. We need them back. Orr is good at beating people up, which is an asset every hockey team needs. Voros is worse than my little sister.

Defensemen: Marc Staal, Paul Mara, Wade Redden, Michal Rozsival, Derek Morris, Dan Girardi

April 2009 Steve says: Staal is one of the best young defensemen in the NHL, and seems to get better every game. Love him. Girardi is also young and very solid. A keeper. Mara is tough and always has his teammates back, even when he's playing with injuries. Plus he has the greatest playoff beard in history. We need him back. Derek Morris is garbage, so goodbye. Wade Redden is one of the biggest wastes of money in history, but we probably can't get rid of him because of his awful contract. I think Redden turned the puck over in the defensive zone once for every dollar Sather spent on him this past season. I can't stand him. PLEASE GET RID OF HIM. Rozsival is the same. Shitty contract, shitty production. Oye.

Goaltenders: Henrik Lundqvist, Stephen Valiquette

April 2009 Steve says: We don't call him King Henrik for nothing. Lundqvist is arguably the best goalie in the game. He wins us games on his own a lot. Vali is the perfect backup. Never complains. Solid when he gets a chance.

OK. Now that I've snapped out of April 2009 Steve mode, let's move up to the present day and analyze what Mr. Sather has done so far this offseason:

Decided to let Blair Betts, Freddie Sjostrom, and Paul Mara leave

Atrocious moves. I hate them. As I said before, Betts and Sjostrom were the best penalty-killing tandem in the NHL last year. I thought we should have played them on the power play as well so we didn't give up so many damn shorthanded goals. And I would have liked to have kept Mara because of his toughness and his beard. Not a good start here Glen.

Traded Scott Gomez to Montreal for Chris Higgins and 2 top Defense prospects

I didn't like this move at first, because I think Gomez can be a really good playmaker if you give him a goal scoring wing for him to center. But after awhile I actually came around to it. We got a perennial 20 goal scorer who's younger than Gomez and 1/8 the cost, as well as Montreal's two best defensemen prospects. We also saved a ton of money, which allowed us to...

Sign Free Agent RW Marian Gaborik

I love this move. This guy is a goal scoring machine, which is something we desperately needed because the Rangers were allergic to scoring goals last year. He is instant offense. The only problem here, and it's a big one, is that he has a terrible history of being hurt all of the time. But if somehow he manages to stay healthy and play a complete season, we've got ourselves a 50 goal scorer. It's a risk I think we needed to take.



Let Colton Orr go and replace him with Donald Brashear

Another move I absolutely hate, and I hate it because I hate Brashear. I don't think I can emphasize enough to you how much I hate this man. He took the most unbelievable cheap shot on Blair Betts in our playoff series with the Capitals last year, breaking his orbital bone, giving him a concussion, and knocking him out for the rest of the playoffs. And for that, he didn't even get called for a penalty. As you know we ultimately lost the series, and not having Betts played a big part in that outcome. This is the kind of move that can ruin team chemistry if the remaining players harbor ill feelings toward Brashear from last year. Awful.

Let Nik Antropov sign with Atlanta

Good riddance. Antropov has a ton of talent, but like Alexei Kovalev before him, he just doesn't seem to care enough to actually apply that talent. He completely disappeared in the playoffs. See ya Nik, and if you wouldn't mind, please take Nik Zherdev with you.

Signed Free Agent Winger Ales Kotalik

Kotalik is another perennial 20 goal scorer with some speed and size, who comes at a relatively good price for the success he's had in the NHL. I remember him having some pretty good games against us while he was in Buffalo. Plus, it most likely means Nik Zherdev is gone FOREVER. Good move Glen, and good for you Ales. You get to play in a real city now as opposed to Buffalo.

That would be all of the moves for now, and we'll see if the summer brings us more gems from Glen Sather. I do think the team is in better shape now than it was at the end of last year, what with the few good moves Sather has made so far and the young talent we have coming up like Artem Anisimov, Evgeny Grachev, and Michael Del Zotto, but only time will tell if these pieces will work and help to bring us the Cup. Of course, knowing the history of Glen Sather's Era of Error, we'll probably have to wait those remaining 39 years. My heart can't take that.