July 4 Hot Dog Eating Contest Live Blog!

"Today, the rivalry continues!"

That's right everyone, it's Joey Chestnut vs. Takeru Kobayashi (and all the other contestants of course) in the yearly competition that pits the greatest athletes this world has ever seen, the Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest! We are live of course from the corner of Surf and Stillwell on Coney Island in Brooklyn, FOR MY FAVORITE HOUR OF TELEVISION DURING THE ENTIRE YEAR.

They just compared last year's overtime "Dog-off" between Chestnut and Kobayashi with other great overtime contests in sports history, such as the 1958 NFL Championship game between the New York Giants and Baltimore Colts, which is of course dubbed "The Greatest Game Ever Played." I understand the comparison.

We have Rob Stone as our reporter in the field, giving us up-to-the-second updates in gastrointestinal greatness. I would have preferred Erin Andrews, but perhaps she doesn't have the stomach for this. Rob, I'm all yours.

Last year of course they moved to 10 minutes, when in the recent past it had been 12 minutes. Apparently Chestnut is looking to break the 12 minute record (66 hot dogs) in 10 minutes. I believe.

I love the automatic DQ for the "Reversal of Fortune." I've never seen a classier way of saying "puking your brains out all over Rob Stone."

They're showing the interview Rob did with Chestnut as he came off the bus this morning. He looks determined. Anything can happen today. Anything.

Roster is up on the screen, and Eric "Badlands" Booker is in the field! I'm a huge fan. He's a NYC Subway train driver (driver? operator? who knows) and aspiring rapper on the side. He is a mountain of a man that casts a large shadow over the rest of the competition. Booker has never won though. Could this be his breakthrough performance?

Kobayashi recently beat Chestnut in a Pizza Hut P'Zone eating contest. First of all, gross. Second of all, IT IS ON.

Ooooo time for the "Ladies of Professional Eating" profile. We have Sonya Thomas, "The Black Widow," who once ate 10% of her body weight in cheesecake. She's here every year and is a fan favorite. And we have Juliet Lee, a former chemistry professor at the University of Maryland. I'd say she's moved on to a better profession. These are real woman. Woman I am deathly afraid of.

In the ultimate Irony of Ironies, Pat Bertoletti, one of the competitors, is a Dietary Chef in Chicago. I'm laughing.

Stone is explaining to us the different methods of eating the hot dogs in competition. He left out my method, "Unprofessional and Not Worthy of These Men." He's also demonstrating to us the "Chew-View," the helmet cam that will be on some of the competitors so we have a first-person view of the "Reversal of Fortune," should it happen. Now he's making The Stoner Shake, a milkshake made of hot dogs, buns, and ketchup! I think I'm going to be sick.

Chestnut and Kobayashi are getting their "game stomachs" on. I'm getting my throw-up bib on.

Rob is interviewing Kobayashi's interpreter now as Kobayashi speaks in his native tongue. How does he not know English by now when he's been eating Americans for years?. They've apparently identified a weakness in his game, and have rectified it through intense training. Chestnut, you've been warned.

Kobe Bryant vs. Kobayashi graphic. It's not even close. Kobe is a chump, and Kobayashi is a champion.

Time for the introductions of the players! This will be a bit rambling: I haven't heard of any of these guys that are leading off here. Too many people from Pennsylvania. They're definitely going to lose. Crazy Legs Conti! One of the great personalities in all of sport! I'm tickled with excitement. Pat Bertoletti is dressed in his Sunday best. Juliet Lee is the second woman to ever eat 30 hot dogs in 10 minutes. Sorry Megan, I think I'm in love. I can't properly convey to you these introductions in the written word when I'm typing this fast, it's just too over-the-top and absolutely incredible. The nicknames they have for these people are amazing. I want this job. "The Four Horsemen of the Asophogus" leader is The Black Widow. Oh ok, I was wondering. Humble Bob Shoudt is a vegetarian away from the competitive eating table. Does that count? Badlands Booker is in the house! EVERYBODY GET ON YOUR FEET! I'M ROOTING FOR YOU ERIC! He has a new CD dropping today, everyone get out and support this great man. Eater X and his ridiculous face paint is on stage now. He's a darkhorse to win the whole thing according to our host.

Kobayashi is getting thinner and more muscular every year. I hope competitive eating has some sort of PED testing program. And now Joey Chestnut is coming to the stage! USA! USA! USA! The guy doing the introductions is going to bust his temple with how excited he's getting over Chestnut. I'm right there with him.

They keep promo-ing this special on the BIO channel about major league eating. I'm praying to God that DirecTV gets the BIO channel. Pleeeeaaaassseee DirecTV, come through for me.

Rob Stone is in the "Spray Zone." LUCKY BASTARD.

10:00 - AND WE'RE OFF!!!

9:34 - Getting off to a strong start is key here. You can tell by the fact that these guys are trying to put 17 dogs in their mouths at the same time.

9:08 - New dogs-per-minute graphic this year from ESPN. Love it.

9:00 - Chestnut and Kobayashi are neck and neck with 12 dogs at the 1 minute mark!

8:26 - This is all so beautiful in HD. I can't do it justice.

8:05 - Apparently this is more of a marathon than a sprint for Eater X. Questionable strategy, Eater. Our leaders are pulling away.

7:45 - "Chew View" is incredible. You can actually see the full insertion of dog to mouth. This is as graphic as it gets.

6:50 - 30 dogs each for Chestnut and Kobayashi! This is too close for comfort. I'm sweating.

6:14 - There is nothing hotter than watching the Black Widow stuffing her face with hot dogs and water-soaked buns. I, and every other guy in this room, is turned on.

5:43 - Bertoletti has taken his jacket off. This is serious.

5:22 - 40-38 Chestnut! USA! USA! USA!

5:03 - "This is Lakers - Celtics." I disagree Richard Shea. This is better.

4:40 - More "Chew View" from contestant Micah Collins. You can see the dog and bun scraps caught in his goatee. At least he has some food saved for later when he gets hungry again.

4:00 - 47-45 Chestnut!!!

3:50 - Darkhorse Eater X is at 37. I don't think today is his day.

3:00 - 53-51 Chestnut!! I can't move my body the way they are wiggling to get the food down, but then again, I'm not even close to being the athletes that these guys are.

2:40 - The pace is starting to slow down. It's all about perseverance and belief now, mind over matter. You've got to want it. We're going to find out who wants it more.

2:22 - Kobayashi deserves to lose because of that stupid haircut.  Come on man.

2:07 - Bertoletti has taken over 3rd! Maybe next year Eater X.

1:38 - Chestnut is at 60 dogs!! WATCH OUT RECORD, HERE COMES JOEY!

1:00 - One minute to go!!! 63-61 Chestnut! IT'S COMING DOWN TO THE WIRE! Rob Stone is giggling with excitement.

0:40 - 64-62 Chestnut!!

0:29 - New world record for Chestnut! 67 dogs! I AM IN AWE.

0:12 - I'm urinating in my shorts in excitement.

0:00 - IT'S OVER!!! 68-64 Chestnut!!! AMERICA KEEPS THE MUSTARD BELT!!

The contestants looked gassed, which is understandable. After watching this, I don't know how any Olympic sprinter can double over in exhaustion after a gold medal race.  This is way more taxing.

The slo-mo replays are glorious. This is better than porn.

The official count is in. 68 - 64.5 Chestnut takes it. A new world record, only this time in 10 minutes, not 12. The 40,000 fans in attendance are in the presence of a legend.

Stone is interviewing Chestnut.  He says he wanted 70 + dogs. I bow at the feet of an American hero. He looks happy, exhausted, strained, and like he's going to puke all over Rob Stone. Watch out Rob! Though I guess there are worse things in the world than having the barf of a champion all over your face.

Chestnut, "the Bill Belichick of the Belly" according to Richard Shea, is parading around the American flag as the crowd chants, USA! USA! USA! I've never felt better about being an American. The national anthem is playing. It's Independence Day. And Joey Chestnut has kept the title where it belongs, in the good ol' United States of America. Today is a day that will go down in history as one of America's finest moments. Joey, I think I speak for the rest of America when I say:

Thank you.