Over the next 4 weeks I will preview each division in the league, doing 2 divisions per week. Each team's preview will follow this simple format:
Team Record:
The team's record from last year, then what their record will be this year. I can see the future, so I recommend you head to Vegas after seeing my predictions.
Team Overview:
Self-explanatory I would think.
Player on this team you NEED for your Madden franchise:
Certain traits for players are more important than others in Madden franchises, which occasionally leads to the odd bench player in real life being better in Madden than an actual superstar. I'll tell you which guy that is.
Guy you would draft for your fantasy team if you drafted like Scotty E.:
I thought about telling you who from each team I would want for my fantasy football team, but then that would just be me giving away my secrets now wouldn't it? So instead, I decided to give you a player based on my friend Scotty's method of drafting, which is to draft players for his team based on how ridiculous/funny their names are. It's a winning strategy if I ever saw one.
So without further ado, I give you my first division for my 2009 NFL Preview, the AFC West!
AFC West
San Diego Chargers
Record Last Year: 8-8
Record This Year: 11-5
Team Overview:
The Chargers had a bit of a down year last year, only making the playoffs after finishing the season winning 3 in a row, all while the Broncos were busy choking away what was a 3 game lead in the division with 3 games to go. Philip Rivers had an absolutely monster year, and looks to continue that same success this year. He also hopes that this year LaDainian Tomlinson will remember how to actually run the ball for positive yardage, thereby easing the load off of him slightly. The defense should be back to dominant once again in coordinator Ron Rivera's first full year in charge. Last year they began the year with Ted Cottrell as their defensive coordinator, who we all know is not actually a good football coach. How that guy keeps getting jobs is beyond me. But anyway, Shawne Merriman and his terrible mohawk are back at full strength, so that should help. Expect San Diego to run away with this division.
Player on this team you NEED for your Madden franchise:
Antonio Cromartie - We all know speed kills in Madden, and this cornerback for "A Whale's Vagina" is the fastest on the team with a 95 speed rating. More importantly, however, he has a 98 jump rating, which is key for a cornerback, and an 80 catch rating, which is imperative if you want to get a lot of interceptions. He has a better catch rating than all but 1 of their receivers. Trade for him!
Guy you would draft for your fantasy team if you drafted like Scotty E.:
Legedu Naanee - This was a tough one, as San Diego had many worthy competitors for this title, like Ogemdi Nwagbuo and Wopamo Osaisai, but in the end Naanee won out. Something about those double vowels twice in the last name really make it roll of the tongue in a smooth manner.
Denver Broncos
Record Last Year: 8-8
Record This Year: 6-10
Team Overview:
The Broncos had a 3 game lead over the Chargers with 3 games to go in the season last year, but they managed to choke on their own vomit and lose the division. So with that, heads began to roll, and ultimately head coach Mike Shanahan, one of the most respected coaches in the league, was fired. In his place came Josh McDaniels, the next in line of crappy head coaches from the Bill Belichick coaching tree. McDaniels promptly aliented starting QB Jay Cutler because he has a man crush on Matt Cassel, so Cutler ended up crying his way out of town to Chicago. His replacement at QB? Kyle Orton. Oh boy... I hope Denver fans have fun talking themselves into thinking they can have success with Orton. Now WR Brandon Marshall is upset about his contract, though I think he should be more worried about the fact that he seems to enjoy beating his girlfriend up on a regular basis. But that's just me I guess. All in all for Denver, not a recipe for success.
Player on this team you NEED for your Madden franchise:
Ryan Clady - Already an 88 overall at the young age of 23, Clady is a LT you can build your offensive line around. Young players in Madden usually always progress at a rapid pace, and if you spend 2 seasons with Clady as your starting LT, he'll be a 95 in no time, and a stalwart for you for years to come... until of course you draft another young lineman. Trade for him!
Guy you would draft for your fantasy team if you drafted like Scotty E.:
Kory Lichtensteiger - The second year guard from Bowling Green has a last name that sounds like an exotic German pilsner. Scotty loves beer. 'Nuff said.
Kansas City Chiefs
Record Last Year: 2-14
Record This Year: 6-10
Team Overview:
Last year the Chiefs were pathetic, finishing with 2 wins. Larry Johnson was hurt and/or suspended all the time, Tyler Thigpen (who?) was their starting QB after they finally figured out that the only redeeming quality about Brodie Croyle as the QB was his hot wife watching from the stands, and their defense couldn't stop my grandma from running up the middle - and that's POST knee replacement. So like Denver, they fired everyone, including Head Coach Herman "You Play... to win... the Game!" Edwards. Ex-Arizona Cardinals offensive coordinator Todd Haley is the new head coach, and if he would just stop yelling for a moment, he might see that this is perhaps a team on the rise. If Matt Cassel isn't a one-year wonder, then they're set at QB for the next 7 years. Larry Johnson is supposedly healthy once again, and Dwayne Bowe is a stud at wide receiver. They also signed Giants great Amani Toomer, who is always well-dressed. And remember, if all else fails, they can just send Bernard Pollard after the opposing quarterback's knees every game! Things are lookin' up!
Player on this team you NEED for your Madden franchise:
Well, when you go 2-14 the previous year, Madden doesn't take too kindly to anyone on your roster. But I suppose if I had to pick someone, it'd be RB Jamaal Charles. With 93 speed and 96 acceleration at the age of 23, he makes for a good 4th-string running back on your team.
Guy you would draft for your fantasy team if you drafted like Scotty E.:
Rudy Niswanger - You certainly never draft offensive linemen for your fantasy team, but in my world, and for the purposes of this blog, you most certainly do. Plus, any guy with the word wang in his name is a lock for Scotty's team.
Oakland Raiders
Record Last Year: 5-11
Record This Year: 5-11
Team Overview:
This team is in complete disarray, mostly because owner Al Davis is 856 years old and still thinks he can run the team competently. Tom Cable, who took over as interim head coach part-way through last year after Lane Kiffin was fired, was hired on a permanent basis during the offseason, then proceeded to punch one of his assistants in the jaw. Progress! Also, their prized, franchise quarterback, JaMarcus Russell, is consistently overweight and lacks leadership skills. Oh boy! At least they have Darren McFadden at running back, who is able to take it to the house any time he touches the ball. They also have the best cornerback in the league in Nnamdi Asomugha, who is the very definition of the shutdown corner. Otherwise, they have next-to-nothing. I would kill myself if I was a Raiders fan.
Player on this team you NEED for your Madden franchise:
Darrius Heyward-Bey - 97 speed and 97 acceleration for a 22 year old wide receiver? Sign me up! I'll line him up in the slot, and on the plays where the defense brings their safeties up to the line, I'll just audible to a fly-pattern for him, send him deep, and chuck the ball as far as I can, then watch another 6 go up on the board. Trade for him!
Guy you would draft for your fantasy team if you drafted like Scotty E.:
Chaz Schilens - I believe he's already hurt himself in training camp this year, but who cares? Chaz is always a crowd-pleasing first name, and for whatever reason it makes me think porn star. And who wouldn't want porn star Chaz on their fantasy team?
I must say how deeply honored I am to have my own section in your NFL preview for my unconventional, and (as of now) unsuccessful method of drafting.
ReplyDeleteBranden Marshall just misses Jay Cutler, he won't get EVERY pass now.
The interesting thing about Al Davis is that you get to witness an owner sabotaging his own team. It just seems like a poor investment strategy. Al Davis is Jerry Jones in a couple years.
Our Grandmother isn't that slow after her knee replacement
ReplyDelete