7:30 – It’s the World Series. It’s Game 2. And setting the scene for us on this momentous night is… Chris Rose? Leave it to Fox to have a guy hosting the World Series pregame who normally couldn’t get a job hosting a talk show on SoapNet.
7:31 – Jay-Z and Alicia Keys performing “Empire State of Mind.” I just found out that Alicia Keys is the product of a black man and an Irish woman. I’m half Irish… how come I’m not half as good looking?
UPDATE: I just found out that I was wrong, she was in fact the product of an Irish-Italian mom and a Jamaican dad. I'm Irish-Italian too! Still not half as good looking.
7:36 – You can’t understand Ozzie Guillen normally, so naturally, Fox hires him to be an analyst during pregame. Makes sense.
7:37 – Obligatory Pedro montage. Man he is such an ass. I’m excited to hear “Who’s Your Daddy?” ring through the Stadium all night long.
7:40 – Mark Grace says that AJ Burnett is wild for only about 20 pitches a game, and needs to shorten it to 10 for the Yanks to win. I think he’s underestimating AJ. Let’s try cutting it to 35 today.
7:43 – Free Black Jack Tacos at Taco Bell on Halloween. Me and 4 other Taco Bell-loving guys ordered 1 the other night, and we all tried to pawn it off on each other, until Rory finally bit the bullet and threw it down at the end of a massive, late-night meal. Not sure that’s a good sign for the success of that product.
7:48 – John Legend on the mic for the National Anthem. Much better choice than that no-name country music douche they had last night.
7:53 – Chris introduces us to our play-by-play man for the night, Mr. Joe Buck. I can’t wait to have Joe ruin a big moment for me because his call is underwhelming and monotone.
7:54 – Jerry Hairston, Jr. is playing in Nick Swisher’s place tonight. Thank God. I’m pretty sure Swisher would pop up a lobbed watermelon on a 2-0 count at this point.
7:58 – AJ Burnett is warming up. Consider me deathly afraid of the possibilities. I’d be much more comfortable with Andy Pettitte starting tonight down 1-0. Please AJ, no 10 run innings.
8:00 – Jose of the Throwing Molina Brothers is behind the plate tonight since apparently AJ and Jorge don’t get along. Gotta love that .217 bat in the lineup in the World Series.
8:01 – AJ strikes out Shane Victorino on a nasty tailing fastball over the inside corner. If he’s on with that pitch tonight, it could be a loooong night for the Phillies.
8:04 – A painless top of the first for AJ. So far so good for my blood pressure.
8:07 – I wish Tim McCarver would shut up so I could hear the fans chant “Who’s Your Daddy” at Pedro. Ah yes… there it is!8:11 – Johnny Damon in a Yankees uniform is facing Pedro Martinez in a Phillies uniform. Sawx fans everywhere are throwing up in their mouths right now.
8:14 – Easy first inning for Pedro, and he has the smug look on his face. Crap.
8:16 – Is there anyone better in this world to play Nelson Mandela in a movie than Morgan Freeman? I get chills just thinking about the possibilities.
8:19 – Thank you Fox Trax + for telling me that AJ Burnett’s pitches are slower when they reach the plate then they were when they left his hand. Normal physics certainly doesn’t prove that, we need a multi-thousand dollar machine and graphics to tell us.
8:27 – RBI single to left for Matt Stairs with Raul Ibanez on second. Ibanez is slow and there was still no way Damon could have thrown him out at the plate. I’ve seen better arms on infants. 1-0 Phils.8:33 – Tim McCarver just made his first good point in 13 years. This crowd is way too quiet. I know Pedro has been through this before, but we at least have to try to get in his head, right?
8:36 – A-Rod strikes out for the 4th time already in this series. He’s starting to get that “Holy shit, I can’t handle this, but I need to make people think I can” face again.
8:38 – Fox has already shown this “Pedro is the enemy of New York” montage 6 times, and it’s only the 2nd inning. So in honor of this, I say we make Pedro believe the Yanks are his daddy again, right boys?!
8:52 – Shane Victorino is mic’d by Fox tonight. They just played a clip about how he thinks he’s standing too close to the plate as a lefty. Now he’s up. He’s still standing too close to the plate.
8:56 – Burnett is entirely too occupied with Jimmy Rollins at first base. I’m getting nervous about when he actually decides to throw a pitch.
8:59 – It’s the World Series. It’s baseball. STOP TALKING ABOUT BRETT FAVRE, JOE. I swear, I can’t get away from that old shit.
9:01 – Burnett is getting wild, went 3-0 on Chase Utley, and decided to finish his at-bat with an intentional 4th ball – to get to Ryan Howard, the guy who has the 4th highest amount of RBIs in a 4-year span in Major League history. I don’t feel very good about this.
9:05 – Howard goes down swinging! Thank Christ. Still don’t feel terribly good about Burnett at the moment.
9:11 – Pedro just walked Jose Molina. You read that correctly. You’re not actually having a stroke right now.
9:15 – Still no runs off of Pedro after 3. The upside to this is that Pedro is only a 5 or 6 inning pitcher at this stage of his career, so we will get our shot at the Phillies bullpen. Let’s just hope we can make the most of it.
9:22 – Fox just showed Chase Utley in the Phillies dugout – without his helmet on. There are few scarier sights in life. I’d say Chase it just getting ready for Halloween, but he looks this disgusting all year around. Chase, the wet-rat look went out of style years ago dude-bro.9:23 – Molina just made an incredible throw to pick off Jayson Werth at first base after the 0-2 pitch to Ibanez. That’s what Werth gets for trying to look like Tim Riggins. THERE IS ONLY ONE TIM RIGGINS, JAYSON.
9:28 – A TEX MESSAGE TO RIGHT-CENTER! Mark Teixeira finally woke up from his nap! YOU’RE ON THE MARK, TEIXEIRA! 1-1!!
9:38 – I can’t get “Empire State of Mind” out of my head. My woman says she’s sick of it, but I think I actually like it. What does she know anyway, she’s a Philly fan.
9:45 – I still inadvertently squeeze out a turd whenever A-Rod settles under a fly ball. It shouldn’t be that difficult, nor that nerve-wracking. But he caught this one! And so Burnett is through 5, having only given up 1 run. His hammer is nasty tonight too. I’m still deathly afraid of the 50-pitch, 7-run inning, however.
9:50 – Is Ken Rosenthal the worst sideline reporter (or whatever you call it in baseball) in sports? He sounds like he has to think about every word before he actually says it, but most of all, his stories SUCK. But that’s Fox for you!
9:52 – Just as Pedro is looking like he’s about to lose it after giving up the double to Jeter in the bottom of the 5th, Damon gets him off the hook by swinging at the first pitch and popping out to Ryan Howard. These are the kind of situations the Yankees need to take more advantage of. Not good.
9:59 – I’m writing this on my girlfriend’s computer, and I just found the whoopee cushion on her dashboard. Suffice it to say I’m abusing it. Suffice it to say again that she wishes she no longer dated me.10:01 – Is it me or is the DirecTV commercial with David Spade and Chris Farley doing the “fat guy in a little coat” a little weird and/or creepy? The guy is dead for crying out loud, and you’re still calling him “tons o’ fun?” Let’s save that nickname for the girl Steve Phillips nailed at ESPN.
10:03 – Is it weird that hearing Jack Bauer’s voice during a Bank of America commercial gets me all warm and fuzzy on the inside?
10:05 – Bottom 6, Pedro’s getting tired, and the Stadium is rocking the “Who’s Your Daddy?” chants. Time to jump on him boys.
10:06 – And Tex strikes out. I’m an asshole.
10:08 – A-Rod strikes out. Still an asshole.
10:10 – NOT AN ASSHOLE ANYMORE!! IT’S A THRILLA! BY GODZILLA! 2-1 YANKS!
10:12 – How the hell is Wanda Sykes getting yet another show? She is not funny. At all. I don’t know anyone who thinks she is funny. If you think she’s funny, you’re an idiot. STOP GIVING HER SHOWS. And while we’re at it, STOP GIVING JEFF FOXWORTHY, TYLER PERRY, AND LARRY THE CABLE GUY SHOWS, BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT FUNNY EITHER.10:19 – A great 7th inning from AJ. Two strikeouts on ridiculously nasty curves, and a nice play by Jeter charging a grounder from Feliz. AJ’s making his money tonight.
10:23 – Really surprised Pedro has come back out for the bottom of the 7th. Got faith in your bullpen there Charlie?
10:29 – With Brett Gardner (pinch-running for Hairston) running, Melky rips a single to right! 1st and 3rd, no outs, Jorge Posada is in to pinch-hit for Molina, and that is it for Pedro! WHO’S YOUR DADDY!? WHO’S YOUR DADDY?! Gotta say, love Pedro’s smile as he walks off with the Yankee fans serenading him.
10:35 – Jorge comes through with an RBI single off of Chan Ho Park! Gardner scores! 3-1 Yanks!
10:38 – Jeter strikes out on a foul bunt attempt. Bad play. That’s it for Park as well, as in comes Scott Eyre to face the Yankee lefties, Damon and Tex.
10:43 – And the umpires bail out the Phils with a bullshit call on Damon’s “line-out” to Howard. Even though the ball short-hopped Howard, the ump called Damon out on the fly, and then Posada was tagged out on second for the double play. Unbelievable how bad the umpiring has been in these playoffs.
10:47 – Great game by Burnett tonight, but now The Sandman is in the game to try for the 2-inning save. Let’s mow ‘em down Mo, and take it out of the umpire’s hands.
10:55 – Mo’s struggling, and Fox is trying to jinx him by putting up graphics about how he never gives up home runs in the playoffs. I’m jittery, to say the least.
10:59 – Chase Utley grounds into a double-play! Great turn by Jeter on that play with Victorino barreling into him at full speed. Lyla Garrity must be so proud! And Mo gets out of the inning without throwing too many more pitches. I was starting to get worried there.11:03 – Gotta love that Phillies bullpen! Ryan Madson drills Mark Teixeira with his first pitch of the bottom of the 8th.
11:13 – Well, apparently you do have to love the Phillies bullpen. Madson strikes out the side, and we move on to the 9th inning with Ryan Howard leading off against Mo. Time to do what you do best Mo.
11:15 – 24 trailer!!!! Fox can put forth the shittiest broadcast of a baseball game you will ever see, but that’s all they have to do to redeem themselves is play the 24 trailer. I’M SO EXCITED FOR JACK!!!
11:18 – Mo strikes out Ryan Howard! 4 Ks for Howard tonight, the ol’ Golden Sombrero! One away!
11:20 – Werth lines out to Cano! 2 down!
11:22 – Ibanez doubles to left. (Gulp)
11:24 – Mo strikes out Matt Stairs! BALLGAME OVER! YANKEES WIN! THeEeEeEeEeEe YANKEES WIN!
And with that, the series is tied at 1 with Game 3 in Philadelphia on Saturday night! IT’S UP TO YOU, NEW YORK, NEEWWW YOOOOOOORRRRRRKKKKK!
LET’S KEEP UP THE CELEBRATION AND WATCH THE 24 TRAILER AGAIN!
AWESOME NIGHT!
Reading your live blog is way more exciting than actually watching baseball.
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