MMBF - 5/10: Introducing Gallen de Rogers and Hammerstein

Good morning everyone, and welcome to this unusually cold May Monday morning here in the greatest state in all the land, New Jersey. I feel like I'm in Ithaca again with it being in the 40s despite us being in the heart of spring. Global warming my ass. Anywhoo, on to the pointless bullshit that I know you all look forward to!

Friday night, after an activity that I will get to later, we went to this delightful little bar in Greenwich Village called Amity Hall. It looks swanky when you first enter, but please my fellow scumbags, do not be deterred by outward appearances. It has a great beer selection, headlined (for me at least) by the always delicious and intoxicating Delirium Tremens, a couple of HD TVs to watch sports on, and at 11:30 on a Friday night, it wasn't slammed like every other bar in the city. We could actually sit around a table and have a conversation. I know right, quite the novelty. Highly recommended by me, the man with the most discerning of bar tastes.

Friday night I was also able to sample one of the newer offerings from Magic Hat Brewery, the Wacko Summer Seasonal. The website describes it as such: ..."a delicious summer beer with a big malty aroma, a subdued hop bite and a clean, slightly sweet finish." I was excited to try a new beverage, and my excitement only heightened when it poured a wonderful red color, almost like Ithaca Cascazilla. Then I took a sip... and my excitement quickly expired. Allow me to amend the description from Magic Hat's website: "a repulsive summer beer with a big toe jam aroma, a subdued cyanide bite and an abhorrent, slightly rancid finish." Yes, it was that bad. Avoid at all costs.

Hungover on Saturday, I decided to take a walk to the mall so that I could help cure my hangover by shoving copious amounts of Taco Bell down my throat. I was so excited; I had visions of Cheesy Gordita Crunches, Beefy 5-Layer Burritos, and Nacho Cheese Chicken Chalupas dancing in my head. So I arrived at the food court and did the usual sample round, tasting the various delicacies on offer from the different food purveyors, when I came across the samples at WOW Cafe and Wingery. To my complete and utter astonishment they had the most delicious honey mustard chicken I had ever tasted, which caused me to abandon my Taco Bell fantasies and order a honey mustard chicken wrap from there. It was quite the turn of events. The Chef of the Century was there, and I'll let him describe the wrap: "The chicken was moist and succulent, and the honey mustard had just the right amounts of sweetness and flavor, with subtle notes of gold. The lettuce and tomatoes were crisp and fresh, while the accompanying cheddar cheese provided just the right amount of texture and zest to finish off the dish. Truly extraordinary!" You heard it here first from Gallen de Robuchon. Now treat yourself to this delicacy.

Also while in the mall on Saturday, I was browsing around GameStop when I came across a game that I think is fun for children of all ages and is a must-buy for parents this upcoming Christmas:



Too soon?

Continuing my mall adventure, I went into CVS to get a funny Hallmark card for my mom, when I stumbled across something that I absolutely had to buy, and only because of the outstanding commercials: Old Spice Odor Blocker Body Wash. It is the first time in my life that I have bought something solely because the commercials are amazing, and this product deserves that distinction. Let's just take a moment and watch one of the commercials again, shall we?:



Like I said before, it's the New Jersey of commercials.

Apparently this weekend the Yankees and Red Sawcks had absolutely no interest in playing competitive baseball, as the Yanks destroyed the Sawcks in games 1 and 2, while the Sawcks won big last night in game 3. Conclusion - Yankees win series, therefore are a better baseball team. Some other observations from a weekend of the best rivalry in baseball: 1) Phil Hughes is on fire. Just absolutely dominant. 2) Francisco Cervelli has the chops to be a good catcher for the Yanks for a long time. I love the way he plays the game. After Jorge retires, he can be the main catcher while top prospect Jesus Montero occasionally spells him, then DHs the rest of the time. Love it. 3) The Yanks have something in Romulo Sanchez. Though I'm sure he'll go back to the minors today so there is a fresh arm to back up Sergio Mitre tonight, he'll be back soon. He's got great stuff. 4) Josh Beckett sucks. Admit it Sawcks fans.

I just want to throw this out there. If you like it, you can throw it right back, if not, by all means keep it: Ke$ha is AWESOME. Not that she's overly talented or anything like my girl Gaga, but just that her songs are ridiculous catchy, but most importantly, she's making an entire career about singing songs based on getting shitfaced and blowing dongs. Now that is something we can all get behind right!? I swear, whenever I hear a song of hers on the radio, the lyrics are always about getting hammered and doing this drug and that drug, then finding some dudes and gettin' it on. It's refreshing to see someone cut the bullshit and just sing about what she loves: drinkin' and (beep)in.' Live the dream Ke$ha.

And finally, I would like to introduce you to the newest member of the New Jersey is Clean, Idiots family, Mr. Gallen de Rogers and Hammerstein. Aside from being the driving force behind such legendary musical theater as Oklahoma!, South Pacific and The Sound of Music, Gallen de Rogers and Hammerstein is a noted theater critic who likes to take in a play or two whenever he sees fit to do so. Most modern theater repulses him, but there was a particular play that caught his eye recently: Peter Pan or The Boy Who Wouldn't Grow Up. The following is his review:

I, Gallen de Rogers and Hammerstein, both the world's most renowned musical writer as well as its foremost theater critic, decided that I would go back to my roots this past Friday and take in a showing of Peter Pan or The Boy Who Wouldn't Grow Up at some small theater in Greenwich Village that I could barely squeeze my fat yet important ass into. It starred some young rascal whose name escapes me as Peter Pan, and his performance was all well and good, but there was one particular actress who caught my eye, Ms. Erica Cenci, who played both the house servant at the beginning and Toodles the Lost Boy for the duration. She was absolutely astounding. Her lines were delivered with authority when required, and her actions brought a new dimension to the script, one that it was apparent the other actors were feeding off of. In all my years, I've only seen a few thespians who have it: Chaplin, Bogart, Olivier, Samuel L. Jackson... and believe me when I say this - Ms. Cenci has it. Watch out for her in the future.

Thanks Gallen de Rogers and Hammerstein, and welcome to the family! And with that, the Brain Fart is over.

Ugh. Another week of work.