2010 MLB Preview!

Sweet Jesus, baseball is back! This Sunday, Easter Sunday, the 2010 season opens with a night game between the defending World Champion New York Yankees and those shit stains from the north, the Bawston Red Sawcks. The quest for championship number 28 begins for the Yanks, and the quest to keep the title as the most obnoxious fans outside of Filthadelphia continues for The Nation. Let's go!

Since baseball is not only our nation's pastime but my favorite sport, I am compelled to throw together a little season preview. I know that most of you do not care about what I think of sports, as evidenced by the fact that my 2 most popular articles have to do with Megan Hauserman and Jersey Shore, but I'm going to do this anyway, so humor me. Below, I'll tell you how each division is going to finish, followed by my insightful and occasionally witty commentary. The asterisk will denote which team I think will win the Wild Card in each league.

AL EAST

New York Yankees
*Tampa Bay Rays
Bawston Red Sawcks
Baltimore Orioles
Toronto Blue Jays

Looks like injuries could be the only thing that stops the Yankees from winning another division title, while the Rays will be close behind them, winning the Wild Card in the process. The Rays have more talent than the Sawcks, whose big offseason acquisitions were a 31 year old pitcher who Anaheim fans were never sad to see go, a 34 year old shortstop with a .265 career average, a 37 year old centerfielder, and a third baseman who has a penchant for only performing in contract years. Does that sound promising to you, Nation?

AL CENTRAL

Chicago White Sox
Minnesota Twins
Detroit Tigers
Kansas City Royals
Cleveland Indians

Everything I'm reading in the build-up to this season says that Jake Peavy is healthy and ready to dominate this year, which is why I'm putting the White Sox in the driver's seat. Obviously, this means they'll probably finish in last place. Sorry Chicago!

AL WEST

Seattle Mariners
Texas Rangers
Anaheim Angels
Oakland Athletics

For once, God will curry favor upon the Pacific Northwest, who after a year where they had their NBA team stolen and had to watch Kevin Durant flourish into a potential top 20 NBA player of all time in a different city, and then had to suffer with a pathetic Seahawks team, the Mariners will bring some joy back to their depressing lives by winning the division. They won't score much, but they play the best defense and have the best 1-2 starting pitcher tandem in baseball. And no, the Angels are not from Los Angeles, despite what Arte Moreno will have you believe.

NL EAST

Filthadelphia Phillies
*Atlanta Braves
Florida Marlins
New York Mets
Washington Nationals

The Phillies probably have the most talent in the league, which means they'll most likely win the division. Pardon me while I drive hot needles into my eyes.... Thank you. Anyway, the Braves have the best prospect in baseball, Jason Heyward, starting in right field, a deep pitching staff, the best catcher in the majors not named Joe Mauer, and the will to send Bobby Cox out the right way. Smells like the playoffs to me. The Mets, on the other hand, have Johan Santana and then a pu pu platter of pitchers behind him in the rotation. They suck.

NL CENTRAL

St. Louis Cardinals
Milwaukee Brewers
Chicago Cubs
Cincinnati Reds
Houston Astros
Pittsburgh Pirates

It's hard to pick against the Cardinals when they have the division's best pitching 1-2 in Chris Carpenter and Adam Wainwright, as well as the best player in the game, Albert Pujols. The rest of their hitters should be vastly "improved" as well due to the "teaching methods" of new hitting coach Mark McGwire. I wouldn't be surprised if the Brewers won this division though. They'll hit the crap out of the ball, and if the staff can be effective behind Yovani Gallardo, they should contend. Meanwhile in Chicago, Cubs fans will continue to contemplate suicide for the 102nd year in a row.

NL WEST

Colorado Rockies
San Francisco Giants
Los Angeles Dodgers
Arizona Diamondbacks
San Diego Padres

The Rockies have a lot of young power and speed, and seemingly a good pitching staff, headed by Ubaldo Jimenez. The end of the bullpen is a bit of a question, but I don't think the Giants will be able to hit enough to keep up with them. The Dodgers will contend as well, but when you're leaning on Vicente Padilla to be a valuable member of your pitching staff... well...... oh boy. Expect Adrian Gonzalez to be shipped out of San Diego at some point this season.

PLAYOFFS - DIVISION SERIES

Yankees over White Sox
Mariners over Rays

Phillies over Rockies
Braves over Cardinals

CHAMPIONSHIP SERIES

Yankees over Mariners
Braves over Phillies

WORLD SERIES

Braves over Yankees

Bobby Cox would deserve nothing more than to go out with a World Series title in his last year as a manager before he retires, and I think the Braves do it for him. Not only would this be the Braves first World Series title since 1995, but it would also be the first time they've sold out a playoff game since then as well. Get ready to hear the Tomahawk Chop 8,546,322 times during the end of the season and the playoffs!