MMBF - 4/5: Just When I Thought Philly Couldn't Be Any Stupider...

Greetings on this lovely Monday afternoon here in Nueva Jersey. My apologies for the the forced usage of the word "afternoon" in my previous sentence, but I have been ridiculously busy today. In fact, it may not even be afternoon anymore by time this is done. Also, I would like to wish a Happy Easter Yesterday to my fellow gentiles. On to the bullhonkey!

It was a weekend of glorious baseball movie action for me, as I had the pleasure of stumbling upon two of the all-time classics while flipping channels Friday and Saturday: Bull Durham and The Sandlot. I'm fairly confident there is nothing I could say that appropriately conveys the majesty and greatness that both of these movies are, so I won't bother wasting your time. Bull Durham is arguably the best sports movie ever made, while The Sandlot would make many people's top 10 list for all-time great baseball movies. I would assume you've already seen both of them, but do yourself a favor and watch them again. If you haven't seen them, however, please do all of us a favor and disappear forever. Clearly your life has ceased to be meaningful.

Saturday I was able to watch the next installment of ESPN's 30 for 30 documentary series, Guru of Go, which is the story of Loyola Marymount head coach Paul Westhead and the death of his star player, Hank Gathers. See it as soon as you can. It was very well done, and very emotional. I may or may not regret admitting this, but the last time I cried was when I was dragged to the theaters to see Marley & Me. I knew the whole time that the damn dog was going to die and STILL I bawled my face off when it happened. Anyway, that same feeling came over me during 2 scenes of this documentary: When Gathers actually collapsed on the court and died, and when Bo Kimble hit the left-handed free throw in honor of his fallen friend. Really sad stuff. I was definitely welling-up, though the fireworks that that stupid golden retriever caused never arrived thankfully. The doc also showed the ugly side of humanity, when it went into how some greedy attorney decided he could make a few bucks and a name for himself by convincing the Gathers family to sue LMU for causing Hank's death. The family apparently regrets that action to this day, but I could imagine it would be easy to be swept up in the need for consolation in whatever form (in this case money) when you're grieving the loss of a family member.

The Rangers continued their never-ending quest to raise our hopes before crushing them with back to back wins on Friday and Saturday, 5-0 over the Lightning and 4-1 over the Panthers, respectively. These 2 wins put them only 2 points behind Filthadelphia for the final playoff spot, but the Rangers effectively control their own destiny because we play Philly twice to end the season. The Rangers played really well for most of the 2 games, which makes it even more frustrating because you can see how good this team can be, but you know that they'll inevitably have a letdown and either miss the playoffs or make them as the 8th seed, go up 2-0 against the Capitals, then lose 4 in a row to be eliminated to end the season. The emotional distress they cause me is unbearable, and I think the only cure is to have Glen Sather fired and for the new GM to get rid of half the team. But seeing as that won't happen, it looks like they'll continue to take years off of my life for the foreseeable future. Poop.

Just thought you'd all like to know that my new favorite team, the New York Red Bulls, are 2-0 after their big win over Seattle on Saturday night! It was huge for 2 reasons: 1) They hadn't won an away game in 29 games, and 2) Seattle is really awesome. I don't really know any of their names yet, but the goalie is awesome, the center midfielder who scored against Chicago in the opener (Joel something?) is awesome, and our rookie centerback is awesome. However, our right midfielder is not so awesome and he needs to be replaced. Soon enough I will learn their names and give them the proper amount of praise/hatred. But in the meantime, we're 2-0 baby!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Final Four discussion: Butler rules, Duke sucks. In a battle of white guys for the national championship tonight, I am wholeheartedly pulling for Butler, because Duke's white guys are so annoying, they make me want to scoop out my eyeballs with a spork. Also, Gordon Hayward looks like he is 13 but is awesome, and I feel really bad for Da'Sean Butler. Now onto CBS: ENOUGH WITH THE RIDICULOUS CAMERA ANGLES. Why isn't it good enough that we watch basketball with the same camera angle that we've always watched it in? Now they have a stupid camera angle from the opposing hoop, as well as a camera that floats above the players and moves with the action. STOP IT, CBS. ALL OF THOSE ANGLES SUCK. No wonder why you're going to lose the tournament to ESPN. Also, Jim Nantz needs to make sure that Clark Kellogg keeps it in his pants during the broadcast. I know he has a man crush on Duke, like every television executive does, but when he starts making up basketball terms like "banana cuts," "shots below the waste," and "spraying the defense" to describe Duke's play, he's making it a bit obvious that he has a hard-on for Coach K. Those terms don't exist Clark. Just come out already and tell us how much you want a gang bang with Brian Zoubek, Nolan Smith, and Kyle Singler.

It was an inauspicious beginning to the season for the Yankees bullpen last night, which in turn led to an inauspicious beginning to the season for the Yankees team. It started off so well, with Curtis Granderson and Jorge Posada going BACK TO BACK AND BELLY TO BELLY, along with CC Sabathia pitching fairly well. It all unraveled so quickly, however, as Joe Girardi left CC in there even though he was obviously losing it, which lead to the Sawcks getting back in the game. When Joe finally did replace CC with David Robertson and Robertson, who was throwing the ball really well, got out of the inning, he of course decided to over-manage his bullpen like he always does and bring in Chan Ho Park instead of leaving Robertson in. Big mistake. Park got lit up. When Jorge finally let up a pass ball to bring in the Sawcks go ahead run, the pain became too much to bare. That and the absurd time it takes for a Yanks-Sawcks game to finish, of course. I swear those 2 teams can't finish a game in under 4 hours. Bad way to start the season for the Yanks, but luckily there are 161 more games for them to make up for it.

And finally, just when you thought Philly couldn't be any stupider, they go and trade Donovan McNabb... to the WASHINGTON REDSKINS. IDIOTS. I was all excited about the Eagles parting ways with a quarterback who always kills us, especially because he was rumored to go to the Raiders, Bills, Rams, etc. But in a move that proves just how much of a dumbass Andy Reid is, he considered Donovan's feelings, and dealt him to a team that he actually wanted to go to, a team that just so happens to be in THEIR OWN DIVISION. Now he will haunt the Eagles twice a year, while continuing to haunt my Giants twice a year. Un-freakin-believable. The stupidity of the citizens of Filthadelphia continues to amaze me.



Hi Alicia.

Ugh. Another week of work. But to tide you over throughout this week, let me introduce you to the greatest website EVER created:

Michael Buble Being Stalked By A Velociraptor