Gallen de Robuchon Reviews: Ninja New York

Sacrebleu! It's Gallen de Robuchon here. As my good friend Steve said in his Monday Morning Brain Fart, the author of his sister blog, Do You Hear That Buzzing?, celebrated her birthday last Sunday. Marci (the author and birthday girl) thought enough of herself to invite the Chef of the Century to her birthday (bold right?), which took place at Ninja New York, a gimmick restaurant in Greenwich Village in New York City that has a reputation for fine culinary fare. I'll be the judge of that, thank you very much.

Restaurant Review:
Ninja New York
25 Hudson St.
New York, NY 10013

Ambience:
As any serious diner would tell you, gimmicks are not welcome when the main goal of the evening is the consumption of fine cuisine. Gimmicks are especially unwelcome when your clientele includes yours truly, the Chef of the Century. This restaurant, however, is a gimmick in and of itself, so I braved the tomfoolery in my quest for palatable delights. Upon entering the restaurant, you are given the choice of entering the dining area through the normal way or the "ninja" way. Being the incredible, brave man that I am, I chose the ninja way for myself and the group, despite the scared protestations of my colleagues. The ninja, who had previously tried to scare us at the elevator that took us down a level to the ninja way, separated from us in an effort to scare us again at the end of the path. He succeeded, as the thoughts of the chef's creations had distracted me from the peril that lay before me. We were taken to our table, in the dining area that looked like it was cut out of a cave, albeit a plastic one. As we were sat at our dojo, I immediately observed that this restaurant had one of the same flaws that Todd English's Olives had: it was too dark to take any pictures of the food with my non-flash phone camera. Piss poor. Also, my chair may or may not have been broken, as it flexed and somewhat reclined when I leaned back - perhaps not the original intention of a solid wooden chair. You would think that the Chef of the Century would be given a real chair. Clearly they did not know who they were dealing with.
Ambience Grade: C+

Service:
Ninja New York, when serving a large group like we had, has a lot of unfortunate quirks, the first being that they are 100% unable to accommodate a party of 17. Huh? They can do 16, they can do 18... they just can't do 17. Perhaps ninjas don't like odd numbers. Either way, this particular circumstance lead to a good friend of mine being unable to attend since his woman would not have been able to come under the restaurant's strict rule of 16. You do not disrespect a friend of the Chef of the Century like that and get away with it. Then we found out that a large party like ours needed to order from a fixed menu 3 days in advance, therefore being deprived of certain items on the menu that appeared scrumptious. Finally, in the build-up to the meal, the management kept harassing Marci with multiple phone calls to see if she wanted to order extra cake for those who ordered the fix menu that came sans dessert. Unprofessional. You would never see or hear anyone from L'Atelier de Joel Robuchon present themselves is such a negative light. During the actual meal, however, we found the ninjas to be quite accommodating, bringing our food and drink in a friendly tone and timely manner. Ninjas apparently are not just Asian either. They are white, black, fat, hipster... they come in all shapes and sizes. The cheap 3 buck Sapporos were a nice bonus as well. This good service could not overcome the inadequate build-up to the meal, however.
Service Grade: D

Actually, the last ninja we saw did magic tricks at the end of the meal. WHO DOESN'T LOVE MAGIC?!??!?!
Service Grade After Magic Considerations: D+

Appetizers:
My first appetizer at this fine establishment of Japanese cuisine was... a caesar salad. A CAESAR SALAD?!?!? AT A JAPANESE RESTAURANT??!?!? Consider the Chef of the Century appalled. And to make matters worse, they made you eat the caesar salad with chopsticks, and you can take the word of a culinary legend when I say: chopsticks are not the ideal utensil for the consumption of leafy greens. Anyhow, the caesar salad was followed up by a combination Spicy Tuna Roll and Shrimp Tempura Roll. Both were exquisite. The Spicy Tuna actually had a good kick to it, which is unusual I have found. The wasabi provided on the side was not needed. The Shrimp Tempura was delicious as well. It was a delightful bit of sushi to begin the meal. Too bad it was preceded by the most lackluster of salad ideas.
Appetizer Grade: B

Main Course:
My main course consisted of 2 main entrees, the first being the Roasted Salmon dish. The Salmon was served with a variety of vegetables in a Red Pepper Garlic Sauce mixed with Grated Apple. It was a wonderful dish, filled with a lot of flavor. The Salmon was cooked very nicely. It came apart easily, which was a bonus considering the onerous chopsticks we had to use to eat it with, and it had just the right amount of spices to give it that extra oomph. Just a beautiful piece of fish, though the sauce may have overshadowed it - it was truly delightful. A masterstroke by the head chef.

The second dish of the main course was entitled "Volcano," with the directions "erupt your volcano to eat." The Volcano was a tender brisket slowly braised in a Miso Red Wine Sauce... or so the menu said. What the menu didn't say was that there would be cheese within the brisket, while the whole dish would be encased by an onion. Truly an odd concept, perhaps a little gimmicky like the restaurant itself. You would NEVER see the Chef of the Century venture into such absurd territory. First of all, the dish never "erupted," which was a letdown, for sure. Second, the onion was poorly cooked. It was rough - tough to break with the chop sticks and even tougher to chew. Not good. The brisket, despite being fatty, was quite good, however. It was very tender and very flavorful, though at times it was difficult to have a bite that was not mostly fat. The Volcano was a very odd dish that, while it had some upside, was poorly executed, and therefore brings the overall main course grade down. The chef would do well to listen to me, THE CHEF OF THE CENTURY, here - concentrate on the brisket itself and get rid of the fluff. Trim off the fat, can the onion - there's a good dish in there somewhere, I just couldn't find it on this particular day.
Main Course Grade: B-

Dessert:
The dessert provided to me by my fixed menu choice was a nice little piece of chocolate cake. Nothing bad. Nothing overly good. Just standard-issue chocolate cake that didn't really stand out, per se, but was a nice end to the meal. To be honest, I don't remember it at all. I know it was fine, but I also know it wasn't anything to write home about. Perhaps a second-rate chef like Emeril Lagasse would love mediocre fare such as this, but when it comes to culinary royalty such as myself, cake like this just doesn't stand out.
Dessert Grade: B-

Overall, if you're in the mood for a little gimmicky good time and a bit of family fun, Ninja New York is a decent option. It's like a theme park with pretty good food, only a theme park in a dark, rock castle filled with secretive, cloaked men who will kill you if you ever threatened to overthrow their respective empire's dynasty. However, those ninja's need to recognize that when the Chef of the Century is in the house, you need to step your shit up and provide a world-class dining experience. I've set a high bar, not only in food, but in life. I dare you to meet it.