Gallen de Robuchon Reviews: Colicchio and Sons

Holy crap! 2 posts in 1 week? Sounds preposterous right? Well, if you said yes, then you're right. It is ridiculous. But in an effort to give you more stuff to read in the never-ending attempt to do as little work as possible while at work, I've enlisted the copious talents of The Chef of the Century, Gallen de Robuchon, to pen a review of a restaurant he recently visited. Chef, the floor is yours.

Parlez vous Francais? No? Well then, I suppose I will speak English, though it sounds so dirty coming off the tongue. Last week was my girlfriend and I's anniversary, which marked 5 years since she made the best decision of her life: dating me. So to mark the occasion, I decided to take her to one of the finest restaurants known to man, Colicchio and Sons. The establishment is of course the flagship restaurant of chef extraordinaire Tom Colicchio, who also happens to be a great friend of mine, as he is an equal of yours truly when it comes to culinary skill. I'm only friends with people who can cook as good as me, so obviously my stable of mates is quite miniscule. And if I needed to tell you that Colicchio and Sons is Tom Colicchio's restaurant, well you can just go ahead fall on a sabre.



Restaurant Review:
Colicchio and Sons
85 Tenth Avenue
New York, NY 10011
For Reservations: 212-400-6699

Ambience:
The restaurant itself is somewhat off the beaten path, but in my estimation, that's a good thing. It keeps away the riff raff that so often ruin my dining experience. You enter the restaurant and make your way up a small flight of stairs, where you're greeted by a lovely hostess who takes your coat with a delightful smile. The restaurant itself is split into 2 sections: the tap room, which has a full bar and a more casual setup, and the dining room, which is the more formal side of Colicchio and Sons. The 2 sections are divided by a monster wall of wine bottles, each more expensive than the next, though obviously money means nothing to me. I'm Ooprahe rich. Who's Ooprahe you ask? She's the French Oprah. Respect. Moving on... My lady and I of course sat in the dining room, which has just a wonderful atmosphere. It's not overdecorated, yet it has a subdued modern feel that is quite welcoming. The lighting is also perfect; I could actually see my lady's beautiful face, which is unfortunately not typical when it comes to fine dining. Furthering the wonderful experience, the level of the music was absolute perfection as it provided a lovely backdrop to conversation instead of overpowering it, again, as most restaurants do. Bravo, Tom and your decorating team.
Ambience Grade: A

Service:
Let me begin first by saying that my number 1 pet peeve with restaurant service is when the waiter doesn't tell me his/her name. I CAN'T STAND THAT. What am I supposed to say when I need my $2500 champagne refilled? "Hey You!?" or what about "Excuse me, It. Come here." Perhaps, "Peasant child. Serve me." No. I need a name. This is something I fully expected to not happen at my dear friend Tom's establishment, so suffice it to say, I was appalled when our waiter neglected to inform me of what's printed on his birth certificate. Unbelievable. That being said though, the service was absolutely outstanding. My lady and I were always served and had our plates cleared from our right side by ever-so-polite busmen. We were given fresh utensils for every course, even if we hadn't used all of them. Our water was refilled whenever the glass even thought about being empty. Our waiter, who I later found out was named Chase because it was printed on the check, was one of the finest I have ever had; he had an unsurpassed knowledge of the drink menu, which was quite extensive. He also wonderfully presented and described each dish as it was placed before us so that we knew exactly what we were inserting into our oral cavities. Going back to the drinks: the beer selection at Colicchio and Sons is matched only by the most excellent of beer bars. My lady had the Southampton Publick House Double White, while I sampled both the Corsendonk Christmas Ale and the Schneider Aventinus. Just absolutely wonderful brews. Top notch drinks. And top notch service. The only thing pulling this grade down is, obviously, the waiter not telling me his name. Can't overlook that fault.
Service Grade: A-

Appetizers:
On to the food! My beau and I both enjoyed 2 different appetizers. I'll tackle the Foie Gras Torchon with Candied Fennel Marmalade and Lillet Gelee, served with Brioche, first. I had never had foie gras before, but I've seen it a lot on Top Chef, so I've wanted to try it for some time. Yes I know, I am a French chef, and foie gras is french, but I rarely cook what I eat. I am the best chef in the world, and yet somehow my palette is too sophisticated for even my own cuisine. Go figure! Anyway, I decided that if I was to try foie gras (which means fatty liver, and is either from a duck or goose), I should try it at a place where I knew it would be the best it could possibly be, and Colicchio and Sons was just that place. The torchon had a consistency slightly thicker than a pate; it couldn't be spread, yet it was easily separated and was somewhat creamy. It had phenomenal flavor, which was only enhanced by the fennel marmalade and the gelee, which added a sweet note to the dish that I thought absolutely necessary. The foie gras itself was very buttery, very rich. The texture is not for everyone, but it was very enjoyable.

Our second appetizer was the Butter-Poached Oysters with Celery Root Tagliatelle and American Sturgeon Caviar. Caviar was another delicacy that I had never tried due to my overly sophisticated palette, but obviously, this was not the main aspect of the dish; the oysters were. The Oysters were delicate yet substantial, and had a wonderful fresh flavor that was only made better by the butter poaching process. The celery root added a different texture to the dish that offset the oyster nicely, while the caviar added that slight saltiness that brought the whole ensemble together. I can never get enough oysters, and this version certainly ranks as one of the best. A warning though to you fat people: the appetizer servings were a tad on the small side, so don't expect to get filled up on them.
Appetizer Grade: A

Main Course:
My love slave and I each had a main course, both of which I will review for you. We'll look at Megan's dish first, the Lamb Loin with Cavalo Nero, Black Eyed Peas and Honshimeji Mushrooms. I've always been a big lamb fan, and this one did not disappoint. The meat was beautifully cooked, medium just as it was ordered. It was also left unmolested; Tom let's the meat speak for itself. And this meat spoke loudly, it was just wonderful. The black eyed peas, unlike the hip hop group, were actually good and added a crunch to the dish, while the cavalo nero added the color. I was curious to see how Tom handled the mushroom, which is a rare fungi from Japan that can be prepared in a plethora of different ways, and he did not dissatisfy. The mushroom itself had an almost pulled pork-like consistency, with a very meaty texture. Very surprising, and completely delicious. Tom, you've done it again.

The dish I ordered was the Skirt Steak with a Horseradish-Crusted Short Rib, Bone Marrow Ravioli and Edamame, finished with a Bone Marrow Consomme. The dish was an absolute tour de force of cooking prowess, and while I would expect nothing less than perfection from Tom, he still managed to astound me. My palette was dancing in the streets after eating this masterpiece! The steak was cooked perfectly, a just delightful medium-rare that was exactly as I would expect to get from the best of steakhouses. Bone marrow was another delicacy that I hadn't sampled, and it was surprisingly tasty. It had a cheesy texture that filled the ravioli with wonderful flavor, while the other aspect of the dish that was made from bone marrow, the consomme, was so good I could have drank it straight from a glass. Sweet, salty, wonderful color - it's everything you look for in a broth. Simple perfection. The edamame was a welcome addition to the dish as well. But even though all of these aspects of the dinner were incredible, they all fell short of the short rib. It was one of the greatest things I had ever eaten, and was truly the star of the meal. The rib just melted in my mouth, and would have been delicious on its own, but the horseradish crust was the metaphorical icing on the greatest metaphorical cake ever. The coup de grace for sure. Thank you Tom for opening my eyes.
Main Course Grade: A++

Dessert:
Again, 2 desserts for me and the lady. First was the Warm Chocolate Tart with Hazelnut Brittle, Passion Fruit and Sweet Milk Sorbet. All of the sorbets and ice creams are produced in-house; you could taste the authenticity in every bite. The tart was wonderful, and all the other elements really added a level of sophistication to the experience. My dessert was the Cinnamon Waffles with Roasted Lady Apples and Calvados Ice Cream. The waffles were some of the finest I have ever sampled, and they were complemented beautifully by the dishes other accouterment. Pastry Chef Stephen Collucci, who I had actually tried to hire at my own restaurant, justified the faith I have in his dessert expertise. He is certainly a rising star, and it won't be long until he takes over the dessert world. We supplemented our desserts with 2 glasses of delicious port. I had the Seppetsfield Tawny 21 Yr., which is a wood matured port, while my significant other had a bottle matured Noval Black, Vintage Character. The Seppetsfield was the thicker of the 2, almost approaching a syrupy consistency - very sweet, with subtle hints of fig. Delicious. The Noval Black was lighter, with a smokier flavor to it. Also very good. Again, the drink list was second-to-none, and these 2 ports were evidence of that.
Dessert Grade: A

Overall, Colicchio and Sons is the crowning achievement of Chef Tom Colicchio, a man I've known and loved for a long time, though not only for his culinary expertise and prowess, but also because he is just a beautiful man. He had always wanted a restaurant like Colicchio and Sons, and it's safe to say that he has achieved everything he's dreamed of. The ambience was perfect, the service was outstanding, and most of all, the food was some of the best you can get on this planet, unless you're eating at one of my restaurants, of course. I may be the Chef of the Century, but I wouldn't put it past Tom to win Chef of the Next Century. Colicchio and Sons is his true genius on display, so if you have a significant amount of money burning a hole in your pocket and are looking for culinary perfection matched only in dreams, visit Colicchio and Sons, and tell them Gallen de Robuchon sent you.

Louey Colicchio Reviews: Blue Water Grill

In the never ending quest to discover culinary greatness in New York City, Gallen de Robuchon, most commonly known as The Chef of the Century, has enlisted his disciple and protégé, Louey Colicchio, to traverse and explore the great expanse of New York City restaurants with the goal to bring knowledge to the 9 loyal readers of New Jersey Is Clean, Idiots. Today brings the first installment of what we hope is many to come. Gallen de Robuchon hopes you enjoy the contributions of Louey Colicchio here, and in the future.

Restaurant Review:
Blue Water Grill
31 Union Square West
New York, NY 10003

www.brguestrestaurants.com

Ambience:
The setting at Blue Water Grill is diverse. The location is excellent, right in the heart of Union Square, which initially brings a good feel to the evening. Upon entering, you navigate your way down a hallway and enter the first floor bar area, which seems to be a happening scene for people who like to throw down a couple of cocktails prior to a meal. There are also tables downstairs, and it seems to me that it is a more lively and loud atmosphere because of the location of the bar downstairs. If that is your thing, then you will like it. Louey Colicchio, however, sometimes enjoys a more mellow environment, and that is precisely what he received upon walking to the second floor of the dining area. The tables included booth-style seating on one side, with two chairs on the other. The art was mellow and understated, and the lighting was nicely muted, but not too dark.
Ambience Grade: B+

Service:
Blue Water Grill is part of the conglomerate known as B.R. Guest Restaurants, who own and operate about a dozen restaurants in New York City, including well known spots such as all of the Dos Caminos and Ruby Foo’s Times Square. While I generally would rather support a well run, small, family oriented business (Please check out my new restaurant, Colicchio & Sons, which epitomizes those values), there is something to be said for the resources and expertise that comes with such a brand. This was all a long-winded way of saying the service was flawless. Upon entering, the hostesses were very polite. Our jackets were checked and we were lead to our table. Upon our arrival, our waters were briskly filled (after politely being asked if we would like Pellegrino or bottled water, which we declined), and throughout the meal the water was consistently being replenished - an essential and appreciated element for The Chef of the Century’s disciple. Bread was served promptly, with a dollop of soft butter - a subtle, yet appreciated nuance. Our order was taken quickly, our wine served on time, and the food came at a consistently good pace. Throughout, we were always greeted with a smile. The woman I happened to be with on this evening got fresh pepper on her salad, which was so kindly offered and executed, and the pre-bussing was timed excellently, an under-the-radar sign that a guest is being treated expertly. Our check was presented quickly, and returned even quicker. Overall, very well done.
Service Grade: A

Appetizers:
On to the food. After all, this is a cooking competition! For first course, I dabbled with the Baked Little Neck Clams Casino, while the woman had the Heirloom Citrus Salad. My clams, served in the shell, were four morsels of happiness. The house cured bacon gave it great flavor and that little bit of texture, and of course, everything is better with bacon. The dollop of cherry pepper aioli gave a slight punch, which really brought the dish together. The Citrus salad stole the appetizer show, however. The simple combination of the bitter arugula and fennel combined with the sweet and sour citrus was balanced perfectly with the aged pecorino cheese, and finished nicely with a white balsamic vinaigrette. What made this a prefect appetizer was that it really woke up and excited the palate for what was coming next. Well done.
Appetizer Grade: A-

Main Course:
As a man of the sea, I continued to venture into the ocean for my main course, which was a Slow Roasted Gooseberry Cove Cod. My company for the evening remained on land with the Maple Brined Pork Chop. First the Cod. When the dish was presented, it was very appealing. A simple roasted filet of fish rested upon a bed of Braised Short Rib Risotto, which was then outlined by a Pomegranate Reduction. My one complaint with the presentation was that it was all a little too white, with the plate, the rice, and the fish contributing. While the pomegranate reduction really stood out, I think it could have used a little more color, maybe adding the baby spinach on top, instead of hidden beneath the fish and in the risotto. Once I dug in, I was quite pleased. The fish was simply cooked, really letting this flaky treat stand alone. However, what stole the show was the risotto. Creamy, cooked slightly al dente, combined with the pomegranate reduction - it was divine. My only critique is that the risotto at times overpowered the fish.

On to the pork. For a restaurant known for its seafood prowess, this dish was really a success. While not the most creative combination, the execution was flawless. The pork was cooked to the point where the outside was slightly charred, giving the pork that great flavor combined with a nice texture. The Fingerling Sweet Potatoes added another sweet element to the dish, which was tamed by the slight bitterness of the Swiss Chard. The Bacon Bourbon Gastrique added color to the plating and bacon to the dish, and as noted previously, you can’t go wrong with bacon. I have nothing negative to say about this dish.
Main Course Grade: B+

Dessert:
For dessert, the woman did what women do, and went for the chocolate. The Chocolate Butterscotch Tart with Espresso Toffee Chip Ice Cream looked excellent, and while I didn’t really dig in, my female counterpoint finished the entire plate, which must mean something went right.

I went with the Citrus Cheesecake with a Tangerine Sorbet and Pistachio Financier. Another beautifully plated desert; the height and color provided by the candied slice of orange was well executed and creatively done. I enjoyed that the cake wasn’t as rich and dense as cheesecake normally is, and instead had a nice fluffy quality to it. The tangerine sorbet paired perfectly with the cheesecake, providing a clean, refreshing element which was a great counterbalance to the cake. I approved of the fact that both desserts included an ice cream or sorbet, but by the time the plates got to our table, they were slightly melted. While I do not wish to blame a restaurant on a matter of physics, perhaps putting the scoop of ice cream in a separate, small ramekin, then placing it on the plate, would remedy this problem.
Dessert Grade: B+

Overall, an enjoyable experience. The service and ambiance are appreciated and pleasurable, and the food certainly holds it’s own. If you are looking for a meal while wandering around Union Square, you would do well to give Blue Water Grill a shot.

Gallen de Robuchon Reviews: Ninja New York

Sacrebleu! It's Gallen de Robuchon here. As my good friend Steve said in his Monday Morning Brain Fart, the author of his sister blog, Do You Hear That Buzzing?, celebrated her birthday last Sunday. Marci (the author and birthday girl) thought enough of herself to invite the Chef of the Century to her birthday (bold right?), which took place at Ninja New York, a gimmick restaurant in Greenwich Village in New York City that has a reputation for fine culinary fare. I'll be the judge of that, thank you very much.

Restaurant Review:
Ninja New York
25 Hudson St.
New York, NY 10013

Ambience:
As any serious diner would tell you, gimmicks are not welcome when the main goal of the evening is the consumption of fine cuisine. Gimmicks are especially unwelcome when your clientele includes yours truly, the Chef of the Century. This restaurant, however, is a gimmick in and of itself, so I braved the tomfoolery in my quest for palatable delights. Upon entering the restaurant, you are given the choice of entering the dining area through the normal way or the "ninja" way. Being the incredible, brave man that I am, I chose the ninja way for myself and the group, despite the scared protestations of my colleagues. The ninja, who had previously tried to scare us at the elevator that took us down a level to the ninja way, separated from us in an effort to scare us again at the end of the path. He succeeded, as the thoughts of the chef's creations had distracted me from the peril that lay before me. We were taken to our table, in the dining area that looked like it was cut out of a cave, albeit a plastic one. As we were sat at our dojo, I immediately observed that this restaurant had one of the same flaws that Todd English's Olives had: it was too dark to take any pictures of the food with my non-flash phone camera. Piss poor. Also, my chair may or may not have been broken, as it flexed and somewhat reclined when I leaned back - perhaps not the original intention of a solid wooden chair. You would think that the Chef of the Century would be given a real chair. Clearly they did not know who they were dealing with.
Ambience Grade: C+

Service:
Ninja New York, when serving a large group like we had, has a lot of unfortunate quirks, the first being that they are 100% unable to accommodate a party of 17. Huh? They can do 16, they can do 18... they just can't do 17. Perhaps ninjas don't like odd numbers. Either way, this particular circumstance lead to a good friend of mine being unable to attend since his woman would not have been able to come under the restaurant's strict rule of 16. You do not disrespect a friend of the Chef of the Century like that and get away with it. Then we found out that a large party like ours needed to order from a fixed menu 3 days in advance, therefore being deprived of certain items on the menu that appeared scrumptious. Finally, in the build-up to the meal, the management kept harassing Marci with multiple phone calls to see if she wanted to order extra cake for those who ordered the fix menu that came sans dessert. Unprofessional. You would never see or hear anyone from L'Atelier de Joel Robuchon present themselves is such a negative light. During the actual meal, however, we found the ninjas to be quite accommodating, bringing our food and drink in a friendly tone and timely manner. Ninjas apparently are not just Asian either. They are white, black, fat, hipster... they come in all shapes and sizes. The cheap 3 buck Sapporos were a nice bonus as well. This good service could not overcome the inadequate build-up to the meal, however.
Service Grade: D

Actually, the last ninja we saw did magic tricks at the end of the meal. WHO DOESN'T LOVE MAGIC?!??!?!
Service Grade After Magic Considerations: D+

Appetizers:
My first appetizer at this fine establishment of Japanese cuisine was... a caesar salad. A CAESAR SALAD?!?!? AT A JAPANESE RESTAURANT??!?!? Consider the Chef of the Century appalled. And to make matters worse, they made you eat the caesar salad with chopsticks, and you can take the word of a culinary legend when I say: chopsticks are not the ideal utensil for the consumption of leafy greens. Anyhow, the caesar salad was followed up by a combination Spicy Tuna Roll and Shrimp Tempura Roll. Both were exquisite. The Spicy Tuna actually had a good kick to it, which is unusual I have found. The wasabi provided on the side was not needed. The Shrimp Tempura was delicious as well. It was a delightful bit of sushi to begin the meal. Too bad it was preceded by the most lackluster of salad ideas.
Appetizer Grade: B

Main Course:
My main course consisted of 2 main entrees, the first being the Roasted Salmon dish. The Salmon was served with a variety of vegetables in a Red Pepper Garlic Sauce mixed with Grated Apple. It was a wonderful dish, filled with a lot of flavor. The Salmon was cooked very nicely. It came apart easily, which was a bonus considering the onerous chopsticks we had to use to eat it with, and it had just the right amount of spices to give it that extra oomph. Just a beautiful piece of fish, though the sauce may have overshadowed it - it was truly delightful. A masterstroke by the head chef.

The second dish of the main course was entitled "Volcano," with the directions "erupt your volcano to eat." The Volcano was a tender brisket slowly braised in a Miso Red Wine Sauce... or so the menu said. What the menu didn't say was that there would be cheese within the brisket, while the whole dish would be encased by an onion. Truly an odd concept, perhaps a little gimmicky like the restaurant itself. You would NEVER see the Chef of the Century venture into such absurd territory. First of all, the dish never "erupted," which was a letdown, for sure. Second, the onion was poorly cooked. It was rough - tough to break with the chop sticks and even tougher to chew. Not good. The brisket, despite being fatty, was quite good, however. It was very tender and very flavorful, though at times it was difficult to have a bite that was not mostly fat. The Volcano was a very odd dish that, while it had some upside, was poorly executed, and therefore brings the overall main course grade down. The chef would do well to listen to me, THE CHEF OF THE CENTURY, here - concentrate on the brisket itself and get rid of the fluff. Trim off the fat, can the onion - there's a good dish in there somewhere, I just couldn't find it on this particular day.
Main Course Grade: B-

Dessert:
The dessert provided to me by my fixed menu choice was a nice little piece of chocolate cake. Nothing bad. Nothing overly good. Just standard-issue chocolate cake that didn't really stand out, per se, but was a nice end to the meal. To be honest, I don't remember it at all. I know it was fine, but I also know it wasn't anything to write home about. Perhaps a second-rate chef like Emeril Lagasse would love mediocre fare such as this, but when it comes to culinary royalty such as myself, cake like this just doesn't stand out.
Dessert Grade: B-

Overall, if you're in the mood for a little gimmicky good time and a bit of family fun, Ninja New York is a decent option. It's like a theme park with pretty good food, only a theme park in a dark, rock castle filled with secretive, cloaked men who will kill you if you ever threatened to overthrow their respective empire's dynasty. However, those ninja's need to recognize that when the Chef of the Century is in the house, you need to step your shit up and provide a world-class dining experience. I've set a high bar, not only in food, but in life. I dare you to meet it.

Introducing Gallen de Robuchon - Plus, first Restaurant Review: Todd English's Olives

A Spanish teacher of mine back in high school thought it was hilarious that my last name was a measurement of milk as well as other liquid substances (albeit spelled differently), so while everyone else in the class was named Juan, Jorge, Esteban, etc., I was named Gallen de Leche. That has stuck with me through the years, with my college buddies giving me such esteemed nicknames as Gallen de Letdown, Gallen de Disappointment, Gallen de Motorboat... you get the idea. Now, the past few years Coach Louey (of classy pocket square fame) has gotten me into Top Chef, which is an unbelievable show. If you haven't watched it, I suggest you start. But anyway, this past season, one of the guest judges during one of the episodes was Joel Robuchon, a French chef who was given the title of "Chef of the Century." He is literally the greatest chef of the last 100 years. Absurd right? WRONG. The man is a genius. So I decided that I would take on a culinary altar-ego in honor of this cooking legend. Ladies and Gentlemen, I introduce you to - Gallen de Robuchon. Gallen de Robuchon (or the Chef of the Century, as he's commonly referred) will be popping up here and there to give you his honest assessment on various dining experiences that he has, the first of which is in this post. Chef of the Century, take it away!

Restaurant Review: 
Todd English's Olives
At the W - Union Square
201 Park Ave. South
New York, NY 10003

Ambience:
Olives, at first glance, is quite the classy establishment. Lots of chic New Yorkers mingling at the bar just outside the hostess station; exactly the kind of clientele that I, the Chef of the Century, prefer to associate with. The kind hostess then took our coats (I was with my paramour, who has had the great fortune of being with me for 4 years now) and led us to our table. This is when our experience took a turn for the worse (and we'd only been there for 5 minutes - not a good sign). The dining area was incredibly dark, which made menu reading exceedingly difficult. The poor geriatric next to me needed the table candle to read his menu. I also couldn't take pictures of the food because of how dark it was and my phone doesn't have a flash, so I apologize for that. The area was also very cramped and tight, so much so that the woman who sat at the table next to us was forced to rub her plastic surgery-induced ass against my ear as she passed by. The aforementioned table candle's flame was extinguished every time I breathed hard, making it even more difficult to see. And the restaurant was also playing this annoying techno music, which would have been ok if it wasn't so loud. The Chef of the Century prefers to speak at normal volume when holding a conversation. He doesn't want to shout. Unacceptable.
Ambience Grade: D

Service:
Service also turned out to be one of the poorest aspects of the dining experience at Olives, as our waiter... what was his name again... oh right, HE NEVER TOLD US HIS NAME. The first thing I train my waiters to do is tell our clients their names. It fosters a more casual dining experience when your waiter is on a first name basis with you. So because he refrained from telling us his name, I decided to name him Fuck, after the amount of times I had to say, "Fuck, where the hell is our waiter!?" Fuck apparently also wasn't interested in making his restaurant any money, because after our first drink (mine was a Jack and Ginger - the Chef of the Century's beverage of choice. It was weak here.) he never offered to get us another. He also never asked us if our food was cooked properly or if we were enjoying our meal, at all. Then after our main course was done and our plates had been cleared, he proceeded to re-set our table with dinner utensils: a fork and a steak knife, then looked at me like I had 14 noses and had just insulted his wife when I asked for the dessert menu. Then he realized what an idiot he was and gave us the menus, as well as the correct utensils. I'M THE CHEF OF THE FUCKING CENTURY. TODD FUCKING ENGLISH HIMSELF SHOULD HAVE BEEN WAITING ON ME. Todd, if you're reading this, Fuck had dark, greased hair, was about 6 feet tall and was on the skinny side. Fire his ass immediately.
Service Grade: D-

Appetizers:
The bread brought to our table was delicious, and would have been better if they had only provided some butter to go with it. The only spread given was this olive pate nonsense. They should know that the Chef of the Century does not enjoy olives. GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS TODD. As a formal appetizer, the beautiful lady and I had 2 servings of their Carpetbagger Oysters. These crispy oysters were adorned with beef carpaccio and truffle mashed potatoes - magnificent. The oysters were the perfect level of crispiness, and the accoutrements added just enough to put them over the top. Some of the best oysters I've ever had. A must-order if you patronize Olives. If it wasn't for the grotesque olive spread for the bread, this would have been an A+ experience.
Appetizers Grade: A-

Main Course:
I, Gallen de Robuchon, the Chef of the Century, am an aficionado of duck. A good roast duck is a precious thing, and has become increasingly hard to come by as more and more "chefs" are coming out of the woodwork and producing duck dishes at very low standards. It's preposterous. Todd English, however, is not one of these impostors. His Long Island Roasted Duck was a wonderful piece of meat, cooked to perfection. Great texture. Even better flavor. Simply stupendous. The downfall to the dish, however, was the loads of random crap that was piled on the plate with the duck. The menu hasn't been updated online (seriously Todd?), so I can't tell you exactly what else was on the plate, but it was some sort of nut thingy with some raspberry puree stuff, and I think some ginger. All wonderfully tasting, but all getting in the way of a perfect piece of meat. Todd, my boy, let the meat speak for itself. Let the meat sing! That duck was begging to be enjoyed on it's own, perhaps with just a touch of these sides off to the side of the plate, not all over it. I give you credit for a delicious piece of meat, but I beg that you leave the duck alone. It's too delicious to be overshadowed by excess.

My lovely companion had the Lamb Porterhouse, which was accompanied by a crispy merguez samosa, za'atar parsnips, kefir cheese, and pistachio vinaigrette. Once again, the meat was perfection. Todd English's lamb was a thing of beauty, perfectly cooked, perfectly seasoned, delicious. I can't use the word perfect enough to describe the lamb. But once again, Todd, you fell into the trap of putting too much on the plate. Like the duck, the lamb would have been good enough on its own (in this case actually, the lamb was less overshadowed. The samosa and the kefir cheese were off to the side as their own entity). While the parsnips and the vinaigrette were very good, I could have used less. I can't stress enough how excellent the lamb was. Let it be. As for the samosa - awful. A failed attempt at an Indian delicacy. But the samosa notwithstanding, the dinner was a resounding success if you ignored the plethora of flavor decoration and really enjoyed the duck and lamb for what they were: exquisitely cooked and flavored pieces of meat.
Main Course Grade: A

Dessert:
For dessert the lady and I shared a warm chocolate pudding cake with some ice cream/mouse/chocolate happiness all over it. It was simply delightful. Not too much to say except: Bravo, Todd's Pastry Chef. A perfect way to end the meal. They also provided delicious little carrot cake samples with the check, which was a fantastic touch and a welcome departure from the traditional after-dinner mint.
Dessert Grade: A+

In conclusion, Todd English's Olives performed poorly in some aspects, namely the ambience and the service, but delivered in the most important aspect of a restaurant experience: the food. The oysters alone were worth the price of admission (and what a price it was), but the perfection to which the lamb and duck were cooked simply left the Chef of the Century speechless, a feat not often achieved these days, and especially not here in America. But let me emphasize again to my friend Todd - Let the meat be enjoyed for what is, not what you think you should put on it. And also, recognize when a legend such as myself is in your restaurant and leave the piss-poor wait staff at home.