MMBF - 2/28: Sorry Ranger Fans

Good afternoon on this dreary, rainy and slow-trafficy day in New Jersey. If you live and/or work in this great state (and you should consider yourself lucky if you do), you will no doubt have a long and arduous commute home today, so why not stay at work late and read my pointless banter! Sounds like a great idea to me.

Does this look like a man who can play in the NFL anytime soon (that is, if there even is an NFL)? Jesus Cristo Plax! Looks like you could use a cannoli or 2!



The new Kanye West video, which appears to be a pretty lame attempt at "art," makes me want to stick a wallet in my mouth for fear of seizure (and yes, I wrote that joke before I saw the absurb warning at the beginning of the video). But boy oh boy! Rihanna is lookin' fiiiiiiiiiiiine. She needs to stop dressing like a tranny hooker and keep up more of this fine work.



Greek soccer fans are completely insane. Or really awesome? I can't tell.



HOLY SHIT! RENALDO BALKMAN IS BACK IN NEW YORK! THE KNICKS ARE SAVED!!!!! Wait, what? Who? Someone else came in the deal? La La Vazquez? I have no idea what you're talking about.

Oh now I do:



May God help us all is this comes true and Jeffries returns.

OH MY GOD! JUSTIN BIEBER NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!



Thousands of Canuck-loving tweens are cursing the very name of the Las Vegas CSI Unit. What a tragedy! (or blessing?) Who knew The Biebs was a gun-loving criminal? He got what he deserved.

Banana Nut Cheerios are tittiesssssssss.

My thoughts on Top Chef this past week:

- Mike totally screwed Blais by stealing his recipe, but then again, why was Blais showing him his notes to begin with? And it's not like Blais cooked it either. Mike's execution was perfect. And of course, we could all see Mike and Blais being the finalists coming from a mile away, and the fact that Mike won the Quickfire made it even more aggravating for our friend Richard.
- Fabio was back! If only for a brief moment in time, it made my life worth living again. I heart Fabio.
- I tend to think that these ridiculous time limits that the chefs are given make it so the chef who handles pressure better wins, not necessarily the best chef. Maybe that's the point? I hope it's not. Yes, all the chefs have the same time and are under the same pressure, but I'd rather the time be extended so the chefs can concentrate solely on making the best possible food, not necessarily food that's good enough given the time constraints.
- Blaise wins! Sweet Jesus, he deserved that. Finally, he gets to taste the fruit of his labor, as opposed to other chefs tasting the fruit of his labor, seeing as he always helps everyone.
- I cannot believe Tiffany is still in this competition, though it is without a doubt now that the judging is based on that day's challenge, and that day's challenge only. That being said, Dale is a far superior chef and had a chance to win. Tiffany does not.
- Anyone else turned on by Paula Dean talking about sucking heads? Yeah... me neither.



Hey Rex Ryan! Shut up. You're senseless rambling about how amazing the Jets are is just turning into white noise. You say it way too much, and you need to stop. Before you were bold and brash. Now you're just annoying. And you like feet.

I absolutely HATE that Sammi is back on Jersey Shore, because now Ronnie is going to go back to being this sad piece of shit that can't possibly entertain me. I don't care about your feelings Ronnie, just do stupid shit so I laugh. He was so close to being the old Ron Ron again, and then BOOM, Sammi walks in the house and it all goes downhill. Oye.

I think I could win an Oscar if I made a movie with British actors that was about the English Monarchy is some way, shape or form. "Ooooo listen to his sweet accent, he's so much sexier than American men. Is Queen Elizabeth in that movie? Great! Best Picture!!!!!"

Turtle Bay in NYC is one of the worst bars in the world. Just horrendous. If you like going there, please proceed to overdose on sleeping pills. Thanks!

Really nice deal for the Rangers, giving up next to nothing to get Bryan McCabe, a puck-moving defenseman who can QB the power play. Exactly what we needed. It's so weird watching Glen Sather pulling off trades where he doesn't totally fuck the franchise. But don't worry! There's still a half hour until the trade deadline! He can still screw up the Rangers entire future in a trade for Brad Richards!

This leads me to why I am sorry to Ranger fans: Last weekend I was at the Rangers - Flyers game, and I was lucky enough to be able to see the game in a suite. So the game ends, we leave the suite, and who leaves the suite a few doors down from us at the exact same time? Glen Sather. He walked right by me, basically brushed shoulders with me. I can hear you all screaming now, "Did you punch him!?!?" " Did you trip him and spit on him?!?" "Did you tell him how much he sucks at his job and how his mom is great in bed?!?!" Well friends, no, no, and no. I did nothing. I completely blew my opportunity to make Ranger fans happy, if only for one fleeting moment before I was hauled off the jail. So again fellow sufferers, I say I am sorry. I let a lot of people down.