Lemme introduce yous to da cast!
(I'm done typing like this now. It's giving me a headache.)
Angelina - Staten Island, NY
Claims to be all natural, and likes to tell everyone about it. Loudly. Over and over again. Then one more time. Then again after that. In fact, she never shuts up.
J-WOWWW - Franklin Square, NY
Her real name is Jenni, and apparently her nickname comes from what guys say when she enters a bar, most likely because her tatters are hanging out all over the place. Has a boyfriend and wants to remain faithful, but cheats on him within the first half hour of the show. Not a good start.
The Situation - Manalapan, NJ
Our man Mike calls himself the Situation because he has nice abs. Girls apparently call him The Situation because they like his... situation? I call him an idiot. I also just read on Wikipedia that his actual name is Mike Hunt. Yep. I'd go by The Situation too if that was the case.
Snooki - Marlboro, NY
Nicole goes by this ridiculous name, and though we're never told what it means, I think I do. I believe Snooki is German for "fugly; busted; has taken too many shots in the face." She looks like the first picture you would see in the "Plastic Surgery: What Not To Do" handbook. And yet she thinks she's hot. Odd.
Pauly D - Johnston, RI
Our friend Paul here is a DJ, with the most out-of-control blowout you will ever see. He takes 25 minutes to do his hair. He also has a tanning bed in his house. I find it hard to believe he's actually a man.
Ronnie - Bronx, NY
He is the token steroid freak of the house, who I assume will have some sort of roid-rage episode during this season where he goes nuts and beats the shit out of all the women and then sets fire to the house. This could get interesting.
Sammi - Hazlet, NJ
"Sweetheart" says that she's a sweetheart, but only for the first week or two of your relationship, then she tears your heart out and runs it over with a car. Sign me up!
Vinny - Staten Island, NY
Vinny. From Staten Island. No way!
First, let me point out to you that only 2 of these people are from New Jersey. Therefore, these schmucks are not a completely accurate representation of the people from New Jersey. If MTV wanted to make a real Jersey Shore show, they should have gotten all of the people actually from New Jersey. Half-assed MTV. Half-assed.
Second, I think it's funny that these people think they're real Italians, and that real Italians have to have blowouts/extensions, huge muscles/fake boobies, tans so fake that they look orange, and that they have to speak like they were held back in kindergarten for 4 years due to speech impediments. I was raised in an Italian family. I have family all over Jersey, Staten Island and Brooklyn. It's not actually like this. Trust me.
Third, I'm still going to watch every episode of this show because it is AWESOME! Few things make for better TV than a good train wreck, and this show is the Titanic of train wrecks. So if you love watching people make asses of themselves, drink too much, make bad decisions, get in fights, and make you feel good about your own life like I do, then I highly suggest Jersey Shore. You need this show in your life.
(I'm done typing like this now. It's giving me a headache.)
Angelina - Staten Island, NY
Claims to be all natural, and likes to tell everyone about it. Loudly. Over and over again. Then one more time. Then again after that. In fact, she never shuts up.
J-WOWWW - Franklin Square, NY
Her real name is Jenni, and apparently her nickname comes from what guys say when she enters a bar, most likely because her tatters are hanging out all over the place. Has a boyfriend and wants to remain faithful, but cheats on him within the first half hour of the show. Not a good start.
The Situation - Manalapan, NJ
Our man Mike calls himself the Situation because he has nice abs. Girls apparently call him The Situation because they like his... situation? I call him an idiot. I also just read on Wikipedia that his actual name is Mike Hunt. Yep. I'd go by The Situation too if that was the case.
Snooki - Marlboro, NY
Nicole goes by this ridiculous name, and though we're never told what it means, I think I do. I believe Snooki is German for "fugly; busted; has taken too many shots in the face." She looks like the first picture you would see in the "Plastic Surgery: What Not To Do" handbook. And yet she thinks she's hot. Odd.
Pauly D - Johnston, RI
Our friend Paul here is a DJ, with the most out-of-control blowout you will ever see. He takes 25 minutes to do his hair. He also has a tanning bed in his house. I find it hard to believe he's actually a man.
Ronnie - Bronx, NY
He is the token steroid freak of the house, who I assume will have some sort of roid-rage episode during this season where he goes nuts and beats the shit out of all the women and then sets fire to the house. This could get interesting.
Sammi - Hazlet, NJ
"Sweetheart" says that she's a sweetheart, but only for the first week or two of your relationship, then she tears your heart out and runs it over with a car. Sign me up!
Vinny - Staten Island, NY
Vinny. From Staten Island. No way!
First, let me point out to you that only 2 of these people are from New Jersey. Therefore, these schmucks are not a completely accurate representation of the people from New Jersey. If MTV wanted to make a real Jersey Shore show, they should have gotten all of the people actually from New Jersey. Half-assed MTV. Half-assed.
Second, I think it's funny that these people think they're real Italians, and that real Italians have to have blowouts/extensions, huge muscles/fake boobies, tans so fake that they look orange, and that they have to speak like they were held back in kindergarten for 4 years due to speech impediments. I was raised in an Italian family. I have family all over Jersey, Staten Island and Brooklyn. It's not actually like this. Trust me.
Third, I'm still going to watch every episode of this show because it is AWESOME! Few things make for better TV than a good train wreck, and this show is the Titanic of train wrecks. So if you love watching people make asses of themselves, drink too much, make bad decisions, get in fights, and make you feel good about your own life like I do, then I highly suggest Jersey Shore. You need this show in your life.
I was waiting for you to comment on this show. Me and my roommate were so intrigued we watched the episode multiple times without even knowing it. It is awesome and makes me feel classy but I have had to explain multiple times that fortunately not all Italians are like that
ReplyDeletePauly D is also 29 years old. HOLY FUCK!
ReplyDeletef'in skanks takin' off their underwear in the hot tub... if you're gonna wear a thong in the hot tub class it up and wear a thong bikini for gawds sake
ReplyDelete