MMBF - 3/21: It's MADNESS in this March!

My most humble apologies to all 7 of you who read this blog for not providing you with your weekly dose of heaven last week. I was very busy, though that's not an excuse for making all of your lives significantly worse. So to help the cause of repairing your emotions, you get a double Brain Fart this week! You're welcome.

PART 1 - 2 WEEKS AGO

It's really funny hearing about the Heat crying after they lost one of their games 2 weeks ago (wow this is really dated huh?). I'm fairly confident that if they didn't want all the pressure, they shouldn't have had that ridiculous championship celebration BEFORE the season even began. Just a thought.

A few weeks back I posted a video about some girl who made an Angry Birds cake or something for her dad. Well, Conan O'Brien one-upped her. (Thanks Conan for sending this.)



Tiki Barber is coming out of retirement?!?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!. His divorce from his wife who he left WHILE SHE WAS PREGNANT WITH HIS TWINS FOR A YOUNG BLONDE INTERN must be absolutely soaking him. Well, that, or the fact that his TV career is in the toilet and he needs the skrilla. Either way, I'm excited for him to sign with the Redskins so we can boo the shit out of him at Giants Stadium and hurl bags of vomit at him, then watch Eli run off the sideline and choke slam his old ass at midfield, then play to the crowd, Gladiator-style. It's going to be EPIC!



In 'N Out Burger is coming closer!!!! I swear, if that place ever makes it to the tri-state area in my lifetime, I will automatically put on 600 pounds. Those burgers are one of the very few reasons to ever live in LA, and the fact that they are incrementally moving across the country towards me is most definitely cause for celebration.

I found what Charlie Sheen does in his spare time when he isn't winning:

More Call of Duty: Black Ops Videos

Speaking of Charlie Sheen, we all knew this had to happen sooner or later:



Actually, I'm kind of getting sick of him. Shit's getting old Charlie. I'm done with you.

My thought on Top Chef 2 weeks ago:

- Great to see Michael Voltaggio back in the flesh. He is so sexy.
- Speaking of sexy, Blais' scraggly 5 o'clock shadow is endearing in a homeless chic way. LOVE IT.
- Leave it to the Top Chef crew to go to another country and immediately burn their restaurants to the ground.
- Even though this wasn't the actual finale finale, it's sort of part of the finale, so I can complain about the following: I think finale challenges should be more straightforward. Just cook what you're good at. Give us your best meals. No ridiculous curveballs. Too much nonsense with the "Bahamian Royalty" in this episode.
- I thought it was funny how they put the judges at the smallest table in the whole restaurant, though it was probably really nice for the King of Whatever That Ceremony Was Called because he got to rub up against Padma. I bet he was hard.
- Blais is so self-deprecating when it comes to his food. Not sure if it's endearing or annoying yet. Leaning towards annoying.
- Carla fucked up AGAIN by doing something she's not used to - and it sent her home for the 2nd season. She needs to learn that doing what she's good at got her to where she is today, though sadly I assume she won't be getting a 3rd shot on Top Chef.
- Whenever someone else wins the challenge Richard is the first person they show and he looks like he wants to murder them in the bloodiest way possible. I'm excited for this season's outtakes when he body slams Mike Isabella and chokes him to within an inch of his life.

JJ Abrams + Coach Taylor + ALIENS! = STEVE IS GOING TO THE MOVIES!!!



Speaking of the movies, I have an early nominee for best picture next year. And by best picture, I mean BEST. MOVIE. EVER. Maybe even better than The Human Centipede?



I am literally speechless after watching that trailer. I need that movie in my life ASAP.

Went to my first Nets game at the Prudential Center in Newark. Here were my thoughts on the experience:

- They were playing the Clippers, so we got to see Blake Griffin. He is flat-out nasty. A freak of nature. Awesome to see in person.
- They have 2 mascots: Sly the Fox, and Mini Sly, who was a BALLERRRRR.



- There was a fight in the stands where the Orlando Magic dragon mascot (he was there to celebrate Sly's birthday, of course) got into a fist fight with someone in the stands. Epic.
- They had those big balloon mascots that just bounce around and smile. I love those!
- The pulled pork from the "Taste of Newark" concession stand was outstanding. Really good. Very cheap too for stadium food.
- The crowd overall was dull and lifeless, because A) there are no Nets fans, and B) they're moving soon anyway, so why should anyone care?

Jersey Shore: Ronnie is a sad puppy dog, and then he GOT PLAYED by Sammie. THE DRAMA NEVER STOPS!!!

The NFL owners are disgusting. 9 Billion dollars in profit for the NFL last year, and they still want to make more money? I couldn't be more upset with how greedy these sons of bitches are. And it's not the players who get screwed over here the most, it's the fans, who the NFL couldn't give 2 shits about. But wait. Who is it that all of the NFL's profits come from? Oh right! The fans. Go figure. Time to start looking for a college football team to follow seriously next year?

Speaking of greed, James Fucking Dolan and Madison Square Garden are raising the Knicks and Rangers ticket prices 49% and 23%, respectively for next year. Remember the Garden being one of the craziest atmosphere's ever? Where all the diehards are chanting and cheering their minds out for hours on end to root on the home team? Yeah, neither do I. All I see are a bunch of suits who couldn't give 2 shits about my beloved Rangers taking up the seats that my fellow diehards and I would actually appreciate. Awesome.

Went to the Big East Championship game at the Garden between UConn (my team, since my brother went there) and Louisville. What an insane atmosphere. Exciting game, and great win for UConn! First team in history to win 5 games in 5 days and take the Big East, which, by the way, is the best conference in the country, haters.

Went to Sarabeth's on Central Park South the other day for brunch. Absolutely delicious french toast, but like most other things in the city, it's too froofy, pretentious, and really overpriced. Just go to the Pancake Factory in Jersey City instead and thank me later.

Got MLB 11: The Show for my PS3 the other day. If you love video game baseball like myself, you need this game. It is TITTIES.

And here is where I would give you my team for the NCAA Tournament that I am going to ride all the way to millions of dollars in winnings, but seeing as the tournament is all the way to the Sweet 16 already, that would be pointless. If I had done this Brain Fart when I was suppose to, you would know that my team for this year was Louisville. What did they do? Lost in the first round. Asshats.

PART 2 - LAST WEEK

Well, this is one way to stop a kid from bullying you. Kids who play Magic: The Gathering at lunch time, take note.

I love how much of a joke the Mets are, yet am already ridiculously tired of hearing about their issues on the radio. People are worried about the Yankees having starting pitching problems, but RA DICKEY IS THE METS NUMBER 2 STARTER. Yep. You heard it right. Read that again if you need to. That right there is an actual starting pitching problem. RA. Dickey. Har har. But ESPN radio and WFAN need to find new things to talk about other than the Mets. It's one thing to be discussing Chris Capuano's chances of making the roster on one channel, but when the other channel is interviewing him AT THE SAME TIME, they need to be stopped. It's Chris Capuano. Stop the madness.

It's obvious that I am on the player's side because of how disgusted I am with the owners in our little NFL dispute, but assholes like Adrian Peterson make it harder and harder every day. The other day in a radio interview, he said playing in the NFL is the equivalent to "modern day slavery." Really Adrian? I had no idea that slaves made 11 million dollars a year back in the 1800s! Why the hell did the Civil War ever happen then if slaves were making so much money? It's weird how my history classes in school passed over that convenient fact. Maybe we should all be slaves so we could be rich!!! .... Adrian, you're an idiot.

I showed you Lady Gaga's new video a few weeks back and talked about how she wants to start a cult. But to fully illustrate the point to you, I should have made this video (Thanks to Holly from LA for her submission!):



RIP Nate Dogg. You made most 90s rap songs way better than they ever should have been. Who is going to save Warren G now when they've got guns to his head, he thinks he's going down, and he can't believe this is happening in his own town?

I don't normally get caught up in cute youtube videos, but this was too much to handle (Thanks to the Loobster):



This past Thursday and Friday The Stallion and I finally took part in something we had been dreaming about for 2 years: taking off from work the first 2 days of the NCAA tournament, drinking a lot, and watching every basketball game. It. Was. AWESOME. The icing on the cake was of course that Thursday was St. Patrick's Day, which is my second favorite holiday after Thanksgiving. So because it was such a momentous day, my lovely girlfriend treated us all to the following feast:

Corned beef, cabbage, potatoes, carrots and irish soda bread (MY FAVORITE!):



And green Rice Krispie Treats:



Which we then washed down with Guinness and Shamrock Shakes (Thank you Scotty):



It was a feast for a king, which was then followed by an amazing concert by the one and only Dan Mills. If you have no idea who he is, click on the link and get a life.

Friday we watched basketball all day at a bar, so I drank more beer and crammed buffalo wings into my face all day. Some basketball observations: 1) The George Mason - Villanova game was insanely exciting. My woman went to Mason, so suffice it to say we were excited about the win. 2) Fuck you Louisville.

The Red Bulls are back!! And this year, Megan, Scotty and I have season tickets 4 rows off the field. Boo yah. They began the season with a big 1-0 over Seattle which will hopefully set the tone for another successful year. A few observations:
- The Harrison PATH station still sucks. Why couldn't they have put another entrance in during the offseason. The bottle neck of thousands of fans into the station after the game is ridiculous.
- Did they really need to clog up everyone during the walk-up to the game too? I never thought overcrowding at the stadium entrance was a problem last year.
- The concession stands are still PAINFULLY slow. Woulda thought that they'd have that figured out by now.
- Juan Agudelo is an absolute beast. Big kid, really fast. Very impressive to see in person. And his goal was a thing of beauty. Plus, he's only 18 years old. It'll be fun when he gets signed by a big European club in 2 years and sits the bench for them.

I'm sure you've all heard that atrocious Rebecca Black song, "Friday" by now and wanted to rip your ears out and kill Scotty because of it. But as you expected, there are a million spoofs of the song. Here is my favorite (Thanks Big Sexy). It really does the song justice, I think.



It's disgusting how much the NHL and the referees suck the Pittsburgh Penguins schlongs. Seriously, how could Kris Letang not go to the box when he punched Ryan McDonough right in the face after McDonough pushed him??? And it was McDonough who got the penalty!! Unreal. And that scumbag Matt Cooke better get suspended for a year for his elbow to McDonough's head. He is such a shit. I wonder what Mario Lemieux will say now about head shots since he not only has the league's biggest douche on his team, but he made him an Associate Captain? But for all the bullshit, the Rangers STILL beat them 5-2 yesterday! Huzzah!

More NCAA Tournament observations from the weekend: Fuck you Pittsburgh, I only had you winning the whole thing in a few brackets. And I know without a doubt that Luke Hancock of George Mason was poisoned by Ohio St. fans. He was the hero of their round 1 game. They were in Cleveland, OH. They were looking to upset Ohio St., a number 1 seed who has never won a basketball championship. It all adds up to sabotage. I demand an investigation!

And finally, since I don't want to discuss Ronnie and Sammi anymore, I'll just say this about the last Jersey Shore episode: Mad props to the "atomic bomb" who tried to dance with Pauly. She had to have known she would get made fun of like crazy on the show because of her size, but she went for the glory anyway. Respect.