MMBF - 4/11: A Phenomenal Week in Sports

Greetings on this Monday morning in April that was supposed to be 80 and sunny but is instead 56 and incredibly foggy, so much so that apparently everyone forgot how to operate their automobiles today, making my commute to work somewhat of a disaster. However, none of that could get me down because of the sports high I am on from last week! The deets:

The UConn Huskies are National Champions! In the worst basketball game I have ever seen in my life. That. Was. Brutal. But no matter! A win's a win, especially when it happens to come in the national title game. My thoughts:

- Charles Barkley is a genius. I couldn't stop laughing when he talked about how he dated ugly girls before he became rich and successful, at which point the girls got better looking. As long as they weren't fat, Charles. As long as they weren't fat.
- Jim Nantz needs to take it easy with the word play. "Kemba Walker Texas Ranger?" Seriously???
- Speaking of Nantz going overboard:
- Nevermind, CBS had the video taken down. Assholes. But anyway, Nantz said "UConn are the top dogs," "The Bulldogs and Huskies are getting in a dog fight," and "UConn was best in show." Christ. We get it Jim. Both teams have canine mascots. Where is Gus Johnson when you need him?
- Alex Oriakhi was definitely the MVP of that game. Butler had no idea how to handle him.
- Neils Giffey has the worst beard ever. Even I can do better than that, and that's saying something.
- The championship shirts and hats that they put on after they won are atrocious. What an awful design.
- What an unbelievable run by UConn with the run in the Big East Championship and now the national title. Totally unreal. Not going to see that happen again for a long time.
- Butler is half-way to becoming just like the Buffalo Bills!

If I could grow a beard like Brian Wilson, I would seriously be the happiest man in the world. Check this out. (Thanks The Biz).

There's a new show coming out on HBO called Game of Thrones. They trailer showed a lot of sex and midgets. Sex and midgets?!?? How could it suck?!

Fast Five?! Really?! Vin Diesel and The Rock?! This is way too much to handle. Car chases and Asian biddies grinding other Asian biddies. I hope Ja Rule is in it too.



Really? A Phoenix, a Flying Squirrel, and a Lake Beast are the best we could come up with for a new Ithaca College mascot? Why don't we add a Crunchy Hippy in there while we're at it?

This is one of the greatest ideas I have ever heard. And here is the dude's blog so you can follow him in his quest for religious manliness. (Gracias Little Gallen.)

Sweet, I'm going to my first game at Yankees game this season tonight! (Wednesday.) Shit! Rain-out.

Big Ben is getting married! I've heard of people being forced to have sex during rape, but being forced into marriage? Impressive Ben. Read this, and pay particular attention to the 2nd to last paragraph. I wonder what religious faith involved rapin' biddies?

Manny Ramirez - Once a cheater, always a cheater. You gotta be some kind of dumbass to roid-up again after already having been caught twice. But I suppose that's typical of that douche.

It was incredibly painful watching Rory McIlroy choke away the Masters on Sunday. That kid was ready to puke after every missed putt, and there were A LOT of them. And what kind of name is Charl anyway?

It was an interesting, yet ultimately fantastic week to be a New York Hockey Rangers fan. The progression:

- Ryan Callahan is out for the year? We're fucked. We seriously can't catch a break in the injury department but it looks like it's a side effect of how this team plays, and that is certainly not going to change.
- Rangers fucking blew it against Atlanta. What an awful showing. Probably not going to make the playoffs now.
- Rangers make the playoffs! We shit on the Devils, then watched the Lightning shit on the Hurricanes. Thank you Tampa! Washington, COME GET SOME!

MMBF - 4/4: Let's go UConn!

Holy crap, I must have blacked out the entire week last week because I think I wrote a blog entry that wasn't a Brain Fart. Weird. I wouldn't blame you for missing it either since I never do that, so here it is. When the Cubs win the World Series I'm going to be FAMOUS as the only idiot who actually thought they could do it. (Editor's note: I don't actually think they can do it. Not at all). On to the gaseous excretions!

I hope Michael Vick visits the Bronx Zoo sometime soon! (Thanks G-Fri.)

As you all know, I have been missing Jack Bauer to death. This is the first year in forever that we haven't had 24, and if it wasn't for the continued presence of beer in my life, I don't know what I would do with myself. Well, this certainly is no substitute, but Jack is in it, and he's killing people, so that's cool.

Angelo from Top Chef was always a really weird guy. Everything, including food and manly-looking lesbians, was sexy to him. I hated him at first, but as the All-Star season went along, I slowly started to like him. Either way, he opened a sorta-restaurant in NYC, and here is an amazing review (Thanks Holly-oooo).

I hope the cobra updates this while he's munching on Michael Vick's nuts! (Thanks Scotty.)

The US followed up its friendly draw against Argentina with a game against Paraguay on Tuesday, and it was a shame that they lost seeing as they played waaayyyy better. It continues to annoy me that Bob Bradley keeps putting Jonathan Bornstein in at left back. He is so horrendously terrible at soccer, and probably life. It's beyond me why he's still around. There has to be SOMEBODY who can play left back better than him, and that includes my Grandma.

My thoughts from the Top Chef finale after the finale after the finale:

- Mike starts off by saying he's a better cook than Richard. Bold, Michael. Bold.
- Fabio and Casey are back!!! And Jenn too!!! Jenn would totally rough you up in the sack, in a good way though.
- Of course someone picked Jamie to be their sous chef. OUCHIES.
- Fuck, Fabio, Casey and Jenn didn't get picked. Frown face.
- I love how Angelo calls Richard "sir." He knows what's up.
- Foie Gras ice cream? Should have stuck with the Captain Crunch, Richie. That sounded tasty.
- Mike sweats like Patrick Ewing.
- Spike is just creepin' all over the dining room. Funny guy.
- Dick Blais needs to cut the negativity. He should know by now how incredible he is.
- Love the finale challenge and the lack of the twists. Just man to man, who's the best.
- Richard looks like he's going through menopausal hot flashes here before they announce the winner.
- Richie wins, and he got a kiss from Casey! That may actually be better than winning Top Chef.
- Andy Cohen is the worst television host I have ever seen in my life.
- Bravo can't do live TV worth a damn. That's all we see is Fabio in LA mouthing at the camera that he can't hear anything.

Despite the fact that the 4th Annual NFL Draft/White Castle Extravaganza will go on as planned this year, I'm just not that excited about the draft because I'm so damn annoyed at the league. This is usually one of my favorite times of the year because the hockey playoffs are starting, baseball is under way, and I get to read oodles of NFL mock drafts, but the NFL has sucked all the fun out of that last one because they're such a bunch of greedy bastards. At least we'll still have White Castle, Rory.

I swear the people who cross Washington Blvd. in the morning when the orange hand is telling them to "DON'T BE STUPID, STAND WHERE YOU ARE." are suicidal. One of these days I'm going to run over someone, and I won't feel bad about it. They're all idiots.

Thursday was the greatest day of the year - OPENING DAY! It absolutely should be a national holiday so we can all sit home, grill, drink, and watch every baseball game we possibly can. The only thing bad about it is that it marks another year of listening to Suzyn Waldman. If there was ever a face for radio...

An absolutely pathetic performance by the Rangers against the Islanders last week. I don't know how a team as desparate as they are can come out and perform like that. Disgraceful. They did, however, redeem themselves on Sunday against Philly. Huzzah! It's never easy with these guys.

Boo. They found the cobra. I guess Michael Vick's balls are safe now.

Saturday was a HUGE day in JC... India won the Cricket World Cup! Very happy for the guys over at Sparrow Hill in the Heights, as well as the 934 bus boys at Rasoi in Little India (the most overstaffed place of work in the entire world). Celebrate homies!

The Red Bulls literally had 20 chances to win the game on Saturday and squandered every single one of them. It would be nice if Henry would score a fucking goal one of these days, but at least we got DeRo! He'll make a huge difference.

So I thought that absurd screamo cover of "Friday" that I showed you before was the best cover of that awful song. Not anymore. (Gracias Ian.)



They're instituting concussion safety rules in this year's version of Madden. How are we ever going to get that elusive career-ending injury?!?!? I hate the NFL.

UConn is goin' to the ship! A few thoughts:

- Brandon Knight is a bitch. That was an obvious open-handed dick slap on Shabazz. I wish Clint Dempsey was there to knife him.
- If UConn wants to win tonight, Kemba needs to screw everyone else and take over if it comes down to crunch time at the end. He was trying to give it up too much against Kentucky, and it almost cost them. Maybe he's finally getting tired? Hope not.
- Hey John Calipari! How does it feel to know that in a couple years this Final Four appearance will be vacated like all your others?!

Let's go UConn!