Preseason - 8/21: Giants vs. Steelers - New Giants Stadium, East Rutherford, NJ
I'll discuss this preseason game because I was there, not because it was a game of any sort of great importance, especially because Eli didn't play... oh right! Hold on one sec.
Preseason - 8/16: Giants vs. Jets - New Giants Stadium, East Rutherford, NJ
I wasn't at this game, but I do feel a few things need to be said about it:
1) The Giants won, which means we are, were, and always will be, the kings of New York/New Jersey/Connecticut/Half of Rhode Island? Maybe? Football. The Jets can make all the headlines they want by signing every miscreant in the league, being on Hard Knocks, talking all kinds of shit... it doesn't matter. This is a Giants town. And yes, it's called the New Giants Stadium. Actually win a Super Bowl Jets, and maybe we'll talk.
2) Victor Cruz is THE SHIT. Even Revis Island couldn't have contained UMass' finest.
3) To everyone saying that the Jets sent some sort of message about how tough they are by bloodying Eli during the game - you are all idiots. The only reason Eli got his forehead torn open was because he called an audible but decided he didn't need to tell the rest of his team. It's his fault the play went to shit, so it's his fault that he got some brains knocked out through a crack in his face. The Jets just merely took advantage of a broken play. If Eli communicates the audible to his teammates, that doesn't happen, so stop it with the "Jets are so tough" shit. Eli just had a minor brain cramp, that's all. He's still really cute.
4) There was probably something else, I think, but I forget. Remember... drunk.
Back to the first game I went to!
Preseason - 8/21: Giants vs. Steelers - New Giants Stadium, East Rutherford, NJ
It was the Rhett Bomar show at the New Giants Stadium, and he was fine. The Giants lost, but WHATEVS! It's the preseason. This game was all about checking out the new stadium for the first time. We got there nice and early so as to experience the optimal amount of tailgating. There were cheeseburgers, sausage and peppers, and of course, the Champagne of Beer, aka Miller High Life. (From here on out in this blog, the High Life will be forever referred to as "Champagne." So don't ever think I'm talking about that fizzy clear shit people drink during wedding toasts. It's the High Life. It's the Champagne. BUT REMEMBER: Never, EVER, get the Champagne in a can. Only in bottles. Word to the wise.) We made out way to our seats, which were in the lower bowl on the corner of the end zone, about 30 rows up. Good seats, nice view, good amount of leg room. Great times. As we approached the end of the game and the stadium was emptying out, we made our way over the expensive, cushy seats that cost $20,000 per PSL, just to see what they were like. Well, let's just say I would be pissed off if I spent $20,000 for that seat because there was absolutely no leg room and the cup holder was ever so slightly sawing away at my meniscus. I bet the Jets designed that. What a bunch of IDIOTS.
Regular Season Week 1 - 9/12: Giants vs. Panthers - New Giants Stadium, East Rutherford, NJ
I was at this one too! Which means I was at the preseason opener for the totally first ever Giants game at the new stadium, then at the regular season opener for the not-so-totally first ever Giants game at the new stadium. Represent, fo sho. Anyway, the Giants won the game even though they mostly played like dog doodie, but hey! A win's a win, right? And after last year, I'll take a win any way, shape, or form they can get one. The best thing to see was the defense actually make some plays when the opposing offense took them deep in the red zone, as they intercepted Matt Moore 3 times in the end zone. Last year, those drives resulted in Panther touchdowns, so that's a positive right?! Hopefully they would carry it over into the next game at Indy...
Regular Season Week 2 - 9/19: Giants at Colts - Lucas Oil Stadium, Indianapolis, IN
NOT! Granted, this was one of those games where you pretty much knew you weren't going to win. Indy had just come off a spanking at the hands of the Texans, and would be desperate to not start the year 0-2. Plus they were at home. Plus they have Eli's older brother at QB. You could pretty much chalk this one up as a loss, but at least the Giants could have represented themselves well. But they did the exact opposite and looked like complete ass. They talked the whole week about how they were going to game plan to stop Peyton, so they played most of the game in the dime and only dressed 2 defensive tackles. And what happened? One of the worst running back tandems in the National. Football. League. ran all over them of course. It was just a miserable performance on defense, and the offense wasn't much better. They couldn't get anything going, and Brandon Jacobs dancing around like a fairy in the backfield and then trying to kill a Colts fan with his helmet certainly wasn't helping. But again, you would have picked this game as a loss before the season started, so even though they looked worse than a pee wee team, no harm no foul.
This game also got me thinking - Is it time to give up on Brandon Jacobs? He used to run with such power, such determination, such passion. Defenses used to fear him, used to fear the absolute beat down he was going to lay on them. But now? No one's afraid of him. He tries to dance around people instead of running through them. It's like he thinks he's Barry Sanders all of a sudden, except Barry Sanders never weighed 280 pounds, so that's kind of a problem. But that's not all. Now all of a sudden he's got a major attitude problem because he's 2nd string and has no idea why. Well Brandon, let me tell you why: YOU'RE SECOND STRING BECAUSE YOU SUCK. YOU'RE SECOND STRING BECAUSE WE PAID YOU ALL THIS MONEY, SO NOW YOU'RE COMFORTABLE AND NOW YOU'RE SOFT. THAT'S RIGHT. YOU'RE SOFT. YOU'RE SECOND STRING BECAUSE AHMAD BRADSHAW IS BETTER THAN YOU. There you go Brandon, the reasons why you're second string. Now you know, so now you can stop bitching to the media every five seconds. Start running like a man, and maybe things will change for you. SOFTEE!
Regular Season Week 3 - 9/26: Giants vs. Titans - New Giants Stadium, East Rutherford, NJ
Alright, so bad week 2 against the Colts, let's bounce back against the Titans, right? WRONG. Instead of putting forth a good effort and putting the nightmare that was week 2 behind them, the Giants played one of the most pathetic, undisciplined, embarrassing games I have ever seen in my life. They were absolutely deplorable, if I may use such a word. First, the turnovers. Usually Eli gets intercepted because he throws it right at his receivers hands, but instead of catching it they bump and set it to a defender. This time though, Eli decided it would be a great idea to loft a ball left-handed into the endzone. WHAT DID HE THINK WAS GOING TO HAPPEN!?? Then Ahmad's butterfingers reared their ugly head after we had driven all the way down the field to the red zone looking to close the gap and take the momentum. Oye. Now onto the stupid penalties. Ahmad chopped block some fat white guy in the end zone to give Tennessee a safety instead of us being able to keep a 50 yard completion to Mario Manningham. Stupid. Then everyone on the team starting losing their fucking minds!: David Diehl shoves someone to the ground after the whistle. Kareem McKenzie commits 2 personal fouls by jacking up guys after the whistle. Then Antrel Rolle bitch slaps some guy RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE REF. Since when is a Tom Coughlin team so damn stupid?! And as if that wasn't bad enough, we took a delay of game penalty... ON A FIELD GOAL ATTEMPT. WHAT??!?! Totally undisciplined, totally pathetic, and completely awful. But wait! There's more.
HOW IN THE WORLD IS LAWRENCE FUCKING TYNES STILL THE GIANTS KICKER?!?! HE IS THE WORST KICKER I HAVE EVER SEEN! HE CAN'T HIT SHORT FIELD GOALS. HE CAN'T HIT LONG FIELD GOALS. HE SOMETIMES MISSES EXTRA POINTS. HIS KICKOFFS ONLY GO AS FAR AS THE 15 YARD LINE. WHAT AM I MISSING?!?!? WHY IS THIS GUY STILL ON THE ROSTER?!??!?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!! JHADGKLJAGJLNARN;VAINV OINGPIOWEG [OWIRNG QJNB JDFNAVPIO APOASD;KMJKV F JKLV I HATE HIM!!!!!! Please Jerry Reese. Bring in someone! Anyone! A Grandma! A dead person! I DON'T CARE, JUST GET TYNES OUT. (I'd do a picture of him for your viewing pleasure, but if I had to look at Tynes' face right now I think I would stab my eye with a toothpick and then try and ease the pain by pouring orange juice on the wound.)
Antrel Rolle - Shut the hell up.
Tiki Barber - You're such an asshat. People maybe kinda sorta might have started forgiving you for being dick, but then you come out and trash Coughlin again this week? Right before you're going to be at the stadium for your induction in the Ring of Honor this Sunday? Smart move jack ass. Get ready to get the shit booed out of you! Perhaps you should stimulate yourself in front of a minor so you have a legit excuse not to show up, much like our friend LT. The real LT, by the way.
Special Teams - Stop sucking. Seriously.
Giants - Where is the pride? Where is the heart? You're playing like you don't care, like you're just happy to show up and collect a paycheck. Maybe that's true though. Maybe I'm the asshole for thinking that professional athletes care about things like pride. Who knows. But as a fan who pours his heart and soul into rooting for this team because they mean so much to me, I expect a bit more than this putrid shit. Jokes on me I guess!
Time for some water so tomorrow morning doesn't hurt so much. Thanks for bearing with me!
